Kicked out from home. Life of a Model?

"I ponder if I should treat this
as good thing,
or a bad thing?"


Dear Diary.. Monday the 1st of February 2010, it's 10am in the morning.


This could be one of my most important diary entries I have ever written in my life.

If you'd like to know about the fucked up news, you could just skip 'Photoshoot as at 31.01.2010' and go halfway down to read 'The Challenge'.


Photoshoot as at 31.01.2010

So it began yesterday when I woke up at 6.30 pm in the afternoon, plenty of sleep, and Baby texted me a message asking if I wanted to do a photoshoot.

I was about to flat-out say No,
  • it's too late in the evening,
  • the shoot is too far in another state (freaking KL to Damansara),
  • and I'd rather go back to sleep.
About a thousand more points I could come up with, but instead
I was abit curious, I asked who was shooting us.

A message came back that said 'professional photographer, MORISTEE studio.'
I spent a good 5 minutes looking it up on the net and I checked out their line of work.

I jumped at it as soon as I saw it. Packed my luggage with clothes and accesories within seconds and rushed out to my car at 7.10pm.

Then he had to be there.

He was outside having an evening jog. So I just mentioned 'I'm heading out for a photoshoot, I'll be back around 11pm'. Then he starts complaining about me getting nothing from this, wasting our family's money for petrol, blahblahblah. Fucking contradictor, just gave me and my bros $300 for shopping on my small bro's birthday.

I turned a deaf ear on him and left. I didn't need to hear this shit, my life had been in the fucking sewers for 3 long years serving under him, depression, daily degradation of self-worth, killing self-pride, emotional stress and misery, and things recently are just getting good and really interesting.

Took me some time, but I reached Damansara Perdana at around 8pm and had a look at Baby's photoshoot images, they were very nice, high-end fashion.

And then.. 'You, Strip'. And I got topless with pants still on (I know whats on your mind you dirty bastards ;] ) , photoshoot-photoshoot-photoshoot.

The result of one of our shoots:


"Confirmed, I have a big ass.
(Even bigger than baby's! )"

Desaintlights, Baby and I were all laughing so so hard because we put up that photo on Facebook.

Within 2 minutes, we had 12 'Likes' and 13 comments. The next 3 minutes, her notifications jumped to 50. After 10min we had bloody well over 100 comments and Likes added together.

That's just ONE of photos though, I took the Sam Fu theme, Army theme, Korean & Japanese-popstar theme. In 2 weeks time maybe 20 more photos will come from Desaintlights. Thank you Lee [:

Remember, You've seen just one.

Anyway, we went to have dinner and went back home at 1am in the morning.

_________________________________________________________________


The Challenge

The very next fucking morning... Dad sent the maid to get me to come down downstairs, and it was lecture allll the way for an hour's straight. So fucking what I came back at 1am instead of 11pm? EVERYONE does that, you think I'm a robot or something? I'm a human you fucking shithead.

I RESPECT my dad, I don't love him, much. But I respect him nevertheless.

He starts talking about those dumbasses Martin, KK and Jason, he's right about one thing that they're all idiots who can't make appointments and are only good at lying,

but he's classifying me in the same category? JUST BECAUSE I CAME BACK AT 1am INSTEAD OF 11pm, HOW FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD CAN YOU GET?

Whatever, he just issued me a challenge.

He has a problem not with my life, but how I handle things in life.

There's this shitty accounts on our property's rental I have yet to complete from the whole of December 2008 to the current month of January 2010 while working under his company, it's much more complicated than your average + and - , and I've been fucking busy handling other shits, plus the fact I hate doing our property rental accounts the most.

In 15 Days (deadline on the 15th of February 2010), if I can't complete that account, he is going to boot me out of the house, severe family ties with me and treat me as a dead son, and I'll look for a place of my own. Doesn't sound too bad actually, either way it's a win-win situation the way I look at it.

Complete the accounts and I still get to stay at home and show him that I'm not all-talk and that I've secured some very strong connections and potential clients to aid me in future. Proving him WRONG, further going on my own road to build a career after resigning from his company.

Or, I could severe family ties with my dad and finally gain independence, go wherever I want, do whatever I want, concentrate more on my shit and not give a damn about his shit. No more needing to hear him bitch around, or ask permission to do this and that. Sure it'll be a bitch to take care of myself, but I can get on with my own shit and finally live a real life. WONDERFUL!

The 15th of February 2010 is my deadline, aint gonna be much, but it's against my morals, my principles, my virtues, to finish things halfway.

I am going to finish it, in truth I don't need 15 days, probably just 5 days to get it done if I don't get interrupted by Ms. Tan with other works ofcourse, which has interrupted the completion of my accounts for the past 2 years.

Besides, I'd like to try just one more time to prove him wrong, and despite his consistently annoying old-fashioned stressful, manipulative, egoistical, no-nonsense ways and bitchy attitude, I would still like

to call someone my Father.

~Sam Insanity Sunshine.

RING STAGE II: ACTIVATE.


"A psycho plots on, behind that playful smile..
Don't admire, Learn."


Dear Diary, it's 11.10pm and my head just cleared up.

How could I forget myself? Insane, playful, powerful, shocking, random, mind-blowing, extreme, controversial, fearless, raw.

Those are the traits that surround me, that are me. I find mixing with the wrong crowd blurs me, bores me. I am a bomb, waiting to explode. Now is not the time, I am not ready yet.

A bullet, dull. A gun has hundreds. Everyday, hundreds fail to penetrate that shield. I, sharpening, always. One day, I alone, as the armor-piercing ammo, shall PENETRATE, shall BREAK, shall OBLITERATE and EXPLODE and bring awe to the world. It's Malaysia, I need the world.

I am the only one who can do this. I am the only one with the power.

I only live once, I have no time left. Wasted time will never come back.

Look into that mirror, stare into that eye, find out the colour of my iris. I know who I am.

There is no shame, there is no laughter, there is nothing shallow about me, don't give a damn, I go up, you can't bring me down.

Smexy Asian Catboii: Everyday, trapped in this cocoon.. I can't wait to release myself, into the outer world where danger and adventures await me. Then only, I can finally exert everything at my will, as free and as wild as the horse I envision myself to be, forever running on that long stretching field of smooth green grass with dancing winds. I will be, a great man.


This isn't a random post, I must do this.

PUSH HARDERRRR. I will succeed, I MUST SUCCEED. Time to get Serious. Serious Sam.


RING STAGE II: ACTIVATE.

~Sam

2009 ends, and so 2010 begins.

"Ford Supermodel of the World Malaysia 2009 has ended.
One door may have closed, but many new ones have opened.
Sam placed 7th place in the top 10 male finalists.
And began modeling on December 2009 as a freelance model."


Dear Diary,

it's 1am and today is Tuesday the 19th of JANUARY 2010, I'm here alone in the living room. It's dark out there as I type away with a fan blowing at whatever I can feel with my blonde hair brushing against my forehead.

Diary, it's been one hell of a ride from November till December 09. Within a span of a month I've made so many new family members! I am an idiot, but I am a lovable idiot. :)


"For the first time in my life, my hair was dyed.
Blonde too, just like my favourite character, Onizuka. FUCK"

A Big chapter in my life.
Amber Chia is my dear lovely big sister, pinky still doesn't like me (haha.), Benjamin toong is always silly with his sex jokes, ahya and shah always fooling around with each other, david still tries hard to be a man at 19, kit is still maintaining her modeling profession, wilson left for korea, margiela and ann left for hong kong, eleen and wei hou are dating, elvie is back to her stewardess job, calvin moved to kl to chase his modeling dreams, qiang hui is still doing runway, cassandra went back to manage her agency, shaquila wanita and gail i think are still working, chet launched his new company Beau & Belle. kelly and danny are now parkson's ambassadors.


"Can you spot me?"

The End of Ford Supermodel 2009
Now that everyone has moved on to other directions in life, I have my own as well. When I hit 20 on Feb I'm going to quit my dad's company and go fully into training my modeling, deejaying, emcee-ing, voiceover works, dancing and singing. I have made quite alot of new friends who are going to help me in this, this 2010 is going to be a blast. I have set the bars higher and have 90 days to achieve my body's best condition (with abs if possible). I will move forward forard forward and nothing will get in my way. I might join Ford Supermodel 2010.


CLUBBING
I only started clubbing at 19, thanks to a certain dear dai kor *errhmm*aaron*cough* :P and I've been clubbing like a monkey at Zouk(future,velvet,barsonic), Rootz (has shutdown), 7atenine, KL Live (Life Center) 'used to be Ruums' and the latest of all, MOS. I'm slowing down clubbing soon, I have very serious goals to pursue, after Wednesday's MOS school Uniform party I probably won't be going out for a very long time.



Yumiko =3 !
I've met an awesome girl who has become.. probably my bestest frienddddd, her name is Babyuko Yumiko Hanagata (or chong saman! kena saman betul.. kekeke). At first I didnt realise, she was the first girl I talked to during the Ford Supermodels of the World Malaysia 2009 auditions. She (baby) added me on facebook and I was like.. 'japanese girl?!'.

Later she added me on msn and she asked me to come shoot with Raymond and herself. I was quite excited since it would be my first time out of Ford Supermodel doing a photoshoot. It went really well, we had so much fun, and baby who once hated me (for tricking her that i'm korean) liked me alottt, sorry baby~ We celebrated 2010 together with dear friends Gavin Mas Renee and Sammy

"Celebrating the coming of 2010"

___________________________________________





"Shot at the hotel room of penang"


PENANG (Fucking Komtar)
A few days after the shoot, baby decided to go to penang for fun and when she invited me to come, I jumped at it. I had never been to penang before! not in my life (i havent been to malacca or klang or kuantan before, stuck at klcc all my life lah). We spend 3 hours with my shitty kembara reaching penang, I was shocked we had to actually go past Ipoh to reach penang!!!

I dreamed Penang would be another huge ass city, as big as KL, maybe with another klcc. But when I reached there.. it looked like a fucking kampung, maybe half a city but definitely the other half is a fucking kampung. Baby may pretend to know penang, but after we reached penang, we spent another 1hr 30 minutes looking for our damn hotel! Our hotel was alright, had a nice ocean view. Some fuckers kept calling yumiko in the middle of the night disturbing her, yumiko complains but I just listen, that's all I can do as a friend. I trust her, and she trusts me. The rest of penang? I don't fucking want to talk about it, but I'll give you a hint. Watch this video, go on, don't be shy, baby made it just for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ps1I-ecs9E

Fucking penang, will never drive there again. I'll just take the RM30 bus instead of pay RM400 for petrol and toll charges. Fucking komtar.. no road signs, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. My friend Yano had it worse though, her dumb friend drove to Langkawi instead of KL for 15 whole hours, that's like travelling from Malaysia to France man.


CURRENTLY
I'll probably be returning to breakdancing, hiphopping, bodybuilding. I have to give an answer to my potential manager by this week. Tzee's farewell party is coming ]: I'm going to celebrate it as well and send my little kiwi flying off happy :]
I can't believe I'm actually helping to manage her photoshooting sessions for her, but I'm glad I did it. kiwisoyalove CANNOT waste that white skin and cute look, she looks better than half the girls in the country. Speaking of which, get me out of malaysia!!! let's live in australia =D yeah right.. maybe 5 years later, sigh.


Wow, 2010 is really happening. From 2007 to 2009, all I did was work a shitty job at the office doing paperwork paperwork paperwork.. filing, chopping, postman job, cleaning at fucking RM800 a month. February will be the end and the beginning of my new life.

I have a feeling something better is about to happen.

~Sam <3

finished writing at 3am wtfish?

Project Abs. Part 1


Dear Diary, "My attempts to getting abs have always been sidelined, unfocused and a partial desire, which equally has frustrated me more than ever."


Right no shit. Starting 28th of Dec 09. Abs by 1st April 2010. Go Go Go

"Day 01 of 96 BURNING TO GO TO GYM"


"Day 2/96 . sleep now gym later.

Day 2 continued. Controlling the urges for fried chicken and ice cream."


"Day 3/96, it's morning and I'm eating oatmeal without sweetmilk or sugar. Yuck, but it's all for the abs.

Day 03 of 96 continued : That bowl of oatmeal was the slimiest and worst pile of crud I have ever devoured. Changing clothes, going to gym in 20 minutes."

~Sam

Diary of Love. Part I


Dear Diary.. "It's been forever since I've had a crush on anyone. I wish share with you now, my secret."


Entry 1

" The moment I saw you, I fell in love. With your beauty, your smile. But.. love takes time to grow, you need time, to get to know me. But I don't have that time.. or the chance to be near you. So Pinky, I love you. But I won't chase after you anymore.. :) -Sam < / 3 " Dec 16 2009


Thoughts in my head:

"I will love you, silently. Watching over you forever, from afar."
Dec 17 2009

Entry 2

"Control my emotions. Limit myself from wrongdoing. I am a sincere good boy :) and no i will NEVER kiss pinky on the lips without her approval and/or consent.. i might get bitten :x meow." Dec 21 2009


Thoughts in my head:

"Everyone.. I know you're eager for us to get together, but don't push her around or ontop of me, give her some space. I care for her feelings. At the same time, I thank you, I would never have kissed her cheeks."
Dec 21 2009


Entry 3

"I decided before, to let go of you so you'll be safe. But everyone brought us close, they're still cheering me on.. I confess, the flame in my heart has lit up again. A part of me, wishes to hold you.. But.. I know you need time. I am still fighting for you. ~Sam"
2 seconds ago.. Dec 22 2009


~Sam

the Best day of my life


happy birthdayyyy
<3

Dear Diary, date is 18th+19th togehtr since It's 3.40am and I just got back from Zouk hahaa....

Amber happi birthdayy ;]]]]

My face is red is I type, today was Fucking, awesome.

Dance like there's no tommorow hahaaaaaa

i tried doing my shoulder-freeze breakdance move but fell on fuckin'; table and spilled the beer

fuckin' high mnan, but nowhere near drunk.. or as drunk as kitt :PPP bla\rghh SHHH

Something just happened that'll change my life forever and i mean FOREVER

It's all I wanted, it's just what I needed

I'm soo glad to have met you guys, I love my mom cuz without her I would never have met you all

night's still young.. party on ;))

omg i kissed pinky .... 's..... cheek, HA

zzzzzzzzzzzz...... those guys should stop forcing us on each other....................

~Sam loves you allllllllllllllllllllllll -thud, falls on bed-

*10 million fireflies.. i can't believe my eyes ( > *3*)> <(~_~ < )*

I'm suffering from depression.


Dear Diary, I am about to tell you a sad story of the life I'm living while trying my best to contain my anger,

it's 7.40pm and today is Wednesday the 2nd of December 09, I just got back from work.

Diary, I have never been honest with anyone these many years, sometimes this side of me just appears once in a blue moon and people ask me why I'm so quiet, I notice, that they've noticed a sudden change in the air around me, a violent and silent man in deep thought.

But I've kept it locked away, nobody knows, and even if I trusted someone so much to tell him or her about it, who would believe me?

I look happy on the outside, carefree, fun-loving and I act like an asshole whenever I want not giving a damn about what others say, but what would happen if that was totally opposite? What happens when I'm alone, all by myself. Right, like anyone would believe me or take me serious, maybe mum, but it'd worsen my anger since her worrying and nagging pisses me off the cliff.

Most people would know me as a caring good friend, a listener when you have problems, a fun-loving hyperactive person who doesn't give a damn about what others say behind my back or in my face. But, I have been depressed, since the day I started working at that monster's office throughout my teenage years, filing papers, fetching documents here and there, shaking hands with people I don't know and don't want to know, but above all, I've been living under this monster's roof since the day I was born.

It starts out this way, my old man, is a very, very backwards, old-fashioned and aggressive person who would probably dare to point a gun at the pope of the vatican city without giving a shit. I myself, 'think' I have inherited the exact same bad temper, so bad that when it reaches it's epiphany, this 'rage' mode comes out and I just feel like killing someone, cursing and wishing people to death under my breath, at times I just shout and scream into the sky when nobody's around. Heh, Diary, I sound just like him.

Working at that office, is so bad that I'd rather Die, literally. It's easily the most gloomy environment I've worked in with caveman-like requirements postman jobs delivering shit here and there, I've learned things there, but they're not teaching me the most important things I have to fucking know, and I'm getting fucked up through the phone by my old man as a result.

That gives me stress, which contributes even more to my short-term memory loss, it pisses me off so much I want to either fucking bash up his BMW and stab a knife through him or slash my hand off, bleed to death. The pressure makes me think things. Think about how easy it would be to just.. let it all go, and die. That ass doesn't give a shit or care about how he's making me feel. He's a workaholic after all.

But Diary, I'm not stupid like most people out there. I know I only get to live once, and I have a mission to complete, dreams to share with the world, I want my voice to be heard among the billions people. I'm bearing with all this dumb fucking workload just until next year, and I really hope, I'll be able to do what I want with my life. This man from hell standing in my way will not stop me from reaching for my dreams, I will surpass him and impress him.

For now, I'll calm myself down and be patient.

~Sam