It was over 2 years ago.. I remember as plain as day, 28th of June 2008. The look of horror on my face from receiving an official PLKN letter from the Malaysian government ordering me to serve at Malaysia's National Service (the 'army').
Age 17, I had to endure 3 months of hell wearing an itchy terribly ill-designed clown-like defective blue-black-and white(?) striped underwear of a clothing on my whole body that would make us easy shooting targets if we were ever at war with our sex-starved ageing population neighbor, Singapore.
Army uniform fail.
Come to think of it, our superior M-16 rifle training lasted a 'gruelling' 3 minutes.
While we scratch our heads holding the M-16s, the Singaporeans train with Bazookas for 2 years compared to our beautifully crafted 3-month effortlessness.
(Forgot to mention, the clothes were used over and over by different batches for about 8 years.)
Absolutely DISGUSTING.
Other useless knowledge gained from the camp was learning some very useful words like 'pukimak', 'pantat lu tembam', 'babi poyo', 'sial babi', 'bongok', 'ma cau hai', 'nei ge lou mou', 'ham ka chan', 'sei ma lau zhai', 'yin wong~' from both races (the Mat-rempit parang-wielding Malay monkeys and gangster drug-abusing cigarette-smuggling Chinese ah-bengs)
who didn't manage to complete high school cyber-cafe DOTA dropouts sucking parent's money dry.
What the most intellectually talented individuals in National Service look like.
I even met an 18-year old genius who accidentally impregnated his girlfriend and has a baby for his parents to care for?! What the Fish?
Ugh, Malaysia's situation is so bad I'll actually have to continue next time or ramble on forever.
Let's put my darkest times in that prison for another blog post shall we?
The truth about NS remains untold.
That is if you really really do want me to blog about my pointless,
mortifying near-death experience at this controversial pathetic 'army'.
Let me know and I'll tell you allllllll about it. *vomit*
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The sunblock experience
Two days before departing from the bearable polluted city of Kuala Lumpur, into the unbearable filthy PLKN training camp in Summerset Resort at Pahang's Kuala Rompin which was
SHUT DOWN earlier this year for overflowing with malaria mosquitoes and dog shit, I went to pick up some necessities in our local shopping mall at Jaya Jusco.
As a city boy I've only been to the beach probably only 8 times in my life as a kid, and 3 times as a teenager on my own. My dearest mummy used to pamper my squeaky bum with some weird smelling chinese cream while responsibly letting me run nude on the beach as a toddler.
Good times...
At the age of 17 with no knowledge of sunblock as a result of years living the pampered life in the city, I asked some sales assistants for help.
It turns out the role of a sales 'assistant' is meant to bloody boost the
sales of products instead of
assisting the customers.
So I was fooled into buying this.
Whatever bullshit they feed your brain using complex scientific terms such as 'enriched with Vitamin E', 'effective skin whitening', 'surprising skin repairing results' and 'Bioactive collagen whatever from Europe',
All skin products
are the same and already have the same features as up there ^
The thing is, Nivea body whitening cream that sounded like such a damn good sunblock which included 'UV Protection'
wasn't even a freaking sunblock.
You could imagine what happened next.
Hours and hours standing in the sun with that useless 'UV Protection' cream really burned the Kentucky Fried hell out of my face and neck which resulted in me retreating to the filthy fungi-beds of the camp.
Years later, I am now using a very dependable SUN BLOCK
Yes people, use Ocean Potion's sunblock instead of useless WHITENING or UV PROTECTING creamy bullshit.
Life is all about trial and error, and differentiating between an Sunblock and a Whitening lotion was probably the silliest thing a man could learn.
So what did I learn from buying 'whitening cream' from scamming sales assistants?
-Whitening lotions are NOT sunblocks.
-Next time, ask lady friends you personally know for help.
Women working in shopping malls are just plain shallow.
~Sam Insanity
