Thoughts V4

"Everyday, I am thinking.
There must be more to life."

Nobody thinks of you as badly, as you do. You dwell yourself in self-pity, not knowing what others think of you. When you consider yourself as stupid, you become stupid. Wake up, it is time to move forward. The road is long, but you must walk it nevertheless.

Don't be a fucking pussy. Never leave anything halfway, if you want to do it, do everything all the way till you finish it.

When it comes time to die, make sure all you have to do is die.

There is only a problem if you make it a problem, otherwise it really isn't there.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment; Pain of love lasts a lifetime.

I'm only pretending to be stupid so you'll be smart enough to trust me.

You cannot force someone to love you, all you can do is become someone who can be loved; the rest is up to them.

Tired of boobs seeking my attention. My eyes are for Pagani Zonda only.

As warm as my little heart can be, one day it... will turn into frozen.. shattered pieces of what once was, and never again.

It seems it's about time for me to find my own happiness and to stop feeding others of theirs.

Trip over, and you can still get up. Fall in love, and you fall forever.

New friends are fun. But I will never, ever forget the ones who have stood by me and lent me their shoulder in my darkest times of pain and hardship. You know who you are.

When a man has no choice but to kill to get money out of desperation to help his starving loved ones, it does not mean he is a bad person. He was forced to dive deep into hell to keep them in heaven. So what kind of person is Robin Hood if he steals from the rich and feeds the poor?

The only person who could kill me.. is me

If I were in a relationship it'd be illegal.

Make losses as much as you can to make the necessary win.

I let you break me so we can be together, instead you left me undone with nothing.. left to lose.

Ain't easy to be me. You practice and practice until you become like to me, but that just proves you're only good at imitating and don't have a life of your own. A leader does things the way they want and is the centre of attention, he is not a pathetic lifeless ass-kisser who kneels on the ground with hidden agendas to backstab.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Goodbye facebook.. in the end you're just some geek's invention wasting my time and life energy.

I'd be better off dead if I kept living dead. My life has to have a meaning.. my life has to have a goal.

If there is a god I'd be Satan.

I hate the world because it's filled with idiots, yet I love it for it's beauty

Hope today brings about new experiences for you.
Doesn't matter good or bad

Fuck Malaysia, I need to get out of this shithole country. Industry sucks, service sucks, government and police corrupted, ridiculously unfair laws, people backstab all the time, chinese teenagers all go lenglui~ lengzhai~ malays go pukimaksial babi ngkau indians go pundepunde. Truly a country with no future. It was a ...mistake being born here 20 years ago. Malaysia Boleh? more like Malaysia Apa Pun Boleh.

~Sam Insanity

What is really a real Real Reality?


Dear Diary, 16th July 2010.
It's 2.40am and I just got back from an empty KLCC.. beautiful.

I've always wondered about reality.

Being as open-minded as possible, I always wondered whether it'd always end up as:

growing up -> chase girls -> study hard -> get qualified -> flourish in a career -> buy a nice car -> settle down -> get a house -> retire somewhere nice as a grandpa with kids.

That's the normal life, and I've always been looking for a way to worm out, to escape this fixed system of society's ultimate goal.

Skydiving without parachute? Build skyscrapers?

I looked so hard for an answer, looked so hard for it in the Internet that I got sucked into the cyberworld.

I spent so much time on the computer, it didn't just become an addiction.. It became my Virtual reality.

Watching inception, I finally broke off from it and remember who I am.

The internet is dangerous.. it provides me a vast knowledge of everything. But it trapped me.

It trapped me into a social network cluster called facebook.. it is a trap, it isn't anything at all to be proud of, it isn't an achievement. It's actually a fucking waste of time

Like a geek who made a super good videogame, the geek who created facebook is puppeting all of us, all of our minds. He made facebook so so so good to use.. that we eventually forget ourselves and want to dedicate the rest of our waking lives to utilize it.

But that isn't real.. virtual reality is a seed of the real reality. The real reality.. is not something that someone makes in order for us to feel comfort...

The real reality is to fight for the time. To fight for the time we have left on this fucking stupid world.

I shall abstain from the virtual.. fictionous life I've been living from now on.

I live once again.. I can't trust facebook.

Hardwork is reality...

~Sam Insanity Sonata.

The end of my days

"My life.. might be shorter than I expected."

Dear Diary,

Why is my memory so horrid? I don't remember anyone's birthday.. even my family's. I don't remember dates and names when I look at faces. I don't remember things that I planned a day before. I don't remember if someone else is at fault or its mine. I don't even remember what happened during my times of great pain and sorrow.

I can't remember anything....

I don't want to think about it, but I'm growing more and more afraid that Alzheimer's is developing inside me. Two years ago I did an MRI brain scan, there was nothing wrong my brain it. I just know something is very wrong with my head.. the way things feel around me, I'm getting more and more numb about the people I love, and the things I love most. I keep forgetting.. I can't remember.

Somebody.. please, help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm only 20 and I shouldn't be having this problem. The only things I can think of is lack of sleep, eating disorder and too simple tasks in life. I tried blueberries, it didn't work. I'm going to try to boost my omega 3 fatty acid intake. Something is seriously eating me out.

I don't want to wake up and forget everyone and everything around me.. I would rather die than live a vegetable.

~Sam Insanity