19 Odd Things You Learn By Using Twitter

1

@SamInsanity: You will never fail to tweet after sex.

You'll feel an overwhelming sense of boredom after ejaculation.

HOWEVER, tweeting the following might land you in deep shit.

10. Heading home in 10, once I stop at pharmacy and get my ointment.

9. LOL, looks like the condom slipped off, hope she didn’t notice.

8. Want my money back.

7. It’s confirmed, I’m definitely gay.

6. Need water, feel disgusting inside and out.

5. http://mysecretcam.com/69 — hey guys, check out the hidden cam vid I made!

4. @HungJock — Dude, you’re right, that was totally easy.

3. Getting a boner while puking in your mouth is a weird sensation.

2. Not as good as her mom, but not bad!

1. She passed the audition, I found my new secretary

2

@SamInsanity: Instead of 5 minutes, 2 hours pass while I'm online which greatly screws up all the work I still have to finish.

Obama: I TOLD you to disarm the nuclear missiles yesterday, TWICE!!

What in Sam's name were you doing Harper?!!

Stephen Harper: I was.. on Twitter.

3

@SamInsanity: All important news hits the Twitter before the news ever hears about it, which destroys fake news and propaganda.

Yes! we should go to war. You're always right, Mr. President!

4

@SamInsanity: Strangers online are nicer to you than strangers in real life.

Instead of the usual shit we all go through in real life.

(I so hate being around people.)

This is what my 'where u from' chats look

like after I exchange MSNs with twitter users.

and usually I'm not the one asking the questions. -grin-

5

@SamInsanity: Every single day, no matter who it is; someone will never fail to tweet about needing to diet.

Every day I see a friend of mine needing to diet.

6

@SamInsanity: There will always be someone complaining about how fat they are.

Everyday I see someone complaining about how fat they are.

7

@SamInsanity: You wish Twitter would make a Kick Your Ass Stop Spamming My Timeline button.

Kill yourself, please.

8

@SamInsanity: Schools don't do a good enough job of teaching the difference between "your" and "you're."

Them: well, your stupid.

Me: don't you mean, you're stupid? ;D

No problem, trollface.

9

@SamInsanity: You never fail to tweet no matter if you're walking, in class, at work, in the car, in the toilet, or even in bed.

Yeah right. Last time I checked,

you almost got killed by a car.

10

@SamInsanity: Sometimes, no one is listening.

God, no one gives a fuck. Take a hint?

11

@SamInsanity: I love being retweeted. But I hate it when others ask for RTs.

Being in the social media line, I know how you feel Ed.

12

@SamInsanity: I can't live without Twitter/FB anymore.

I'd rather be with my computer than with my family.

13

@SamInsanity: The world which we thought was so big, wasn't so big after all. The world is a small place where everyone is connected.

Which greatly annoys me, reason being

whenever I chill at Starbucks;

I get weirdos hitting me saying

'Hey I know you, you were dancing at a club the other day right?

By the way my birthday's this week, can you get me in Zouk?'.

I don't fucking know you...

My aunt just messaged me on Facebook the other day not the use the word 'Fuck'.

Kill me now, please.

14

@SamInsanity: You can see your friend's true colour when he/she bitches behind someone's back on Twitter/Facebook without saying the name. Your bestest friend, can be your greatest enemy.

15

@SamInsanity: Some people you know are really quiet in real life, but very talkative on twitter.

There is always someone you know who behaves this way.

16

@SamInsanity: When I say fuck Justin Bieber, everyone will agree.

Need I say more?

17

@SamInsanity: People using the hashtag "#SWAG" on themselves actually don't have swag at all.

Is that swag dawg?

cuz you look more like a rag.

18

@SamInsanity: Sometimes on hard days, you pour every drop of your feelings into one tweet, in hopes somebody will see it and save you.

Forever Alone.

19

@SamInsanity: 8 little birds can carry a whale.

20

@SamInsanity: My tweets are epic, see below.

My twitter is @SamInsanity

Join twitter if you're not on it, it's way better than Facebook.

~Sam Insanity