Spider on my dick


What if you were naked
and found a spider inside your towel?



Doesn't happen everyday, but one fine mornoon.... (today, between morning-afternoon).

My toned, tight-bodied girlfriend Copykate came out of the steamy bathroom and scolded me to shut the curtains.

It was my turn... TO SHOWER.

So I went into the toilet holding a bunch of stuff like Biore cleanser, Dove shampoo and T3 Anti-acne body shampoo.

I was butt naked ready for my sweet wash and I realised, she used the last towel.

The other towels were being dried outside ....the garden. sigh~

So! I put my undies back on and hopped downstairs, pulled a towel onto my shoulder, went back up and got naked, ready to do my thing. Righto. Ready to do my thang.

Water set to hot, I started belting out classical opera tunes loudly just to try annoy her through the door.

After 20 minutes of scrubbing my long bubbly hair and rubbing the shampoo all over my body, I washed it all away...

THEN....

I bust the door open.

~ ~ ~

Sam: AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Her: WHAT?! what is it?! What?!!!

Sam: There is a fucking SPIDER in my towel!!!!!!!

Her: The heck?! YUCK! GROSS!!

Sam: Get the camera!

Her: Blackberry or camera????

Sam: Camera! hurry up its GONNA JUMP!!!!!!

Her: Okayyyy cominggggg, stop the spider!

Sam: The hell? How can I stop a spider?! Quick its moving!!!!!

Her: *hands me the camera* cheh.. so tiny (the spider not my shotgun)

Sam: *snapping photos* If I wiped myself with this shit it could've crawled into my asshole okay!

Moments later...

'Hello ladies'.

The spider could have been this big okay

Glass spider, it's ass was
see-through like a water droplet.

Legs bent, getting ready to jump


Sam: I got it! I got a good shot! Now catch the spider

Her: eeeeee I hate spiders!! catch it yourself -hands me a piece of tissue and runs away-

Sam: Tiny my ass.. *pushes the spider towards the tissue*

Her: Flush it down the toilet already!

Sam: I don't kill living things oka-AAHHHH!!!!!!!

Her: WHAT?!

Sam: IT JUMPED ON MY DICK!!!!!

Her: WHAT?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Sam: Joking. Oi why are the curtains open?!
*dripping wet and butt naked with the spider crawling around the tissue in my hand*

Her: Wrap yourself with the towel, later the neighbours record you then you know

Sam: They can't see me from this angle.. you better not think of taking a photo *walking butt naked towards the window*

Her: -laughing hysterically looking for the camera-


And so I let the spider out of the window


Moral of the story, never leave your towels and clothes outside in the garden.

Though you may find your clothes warm and snuggly, the tiny creepy crawlies in your garden feel the same way.




~Sam Insanity

2 comments:

  1. Wow, I don't think I have every read anything like that. I must say, it was quite entertaining. Spiders are so nasty and gross. Here in florida where I live, there are these teeny tiny lizards that get in everywhere and they are nasty too. I found one of them in my towel the other day. Yuck!

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  2. Me and my roommate were laughing our butts off reading this!

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