Goodbye, Michael Jackson.

.:: Friday the 25th of June 2009 7.26pm ::.

Dear Diary,

Some very grim news has reached my ears today, the legendary Michael Jackson has passed away on the 25th of June 2009 at UCLA Medical Centre.

Michael Jackson has been one of my biggest childhood heroes for as long as I could remember, or even begin to THINK when I was a toddler. Riding the backseat of my uncle and aunt's Mercedes Benz while listening to 'Heal the World', it's so nostalgic.

News of his death feels unreal to me, he's just like one of those walking gods who would seem to live on forever. But his spirit has left the world today, and I must come to accept it. I feel more shock than grief right now, but it'll soon hit me like a brick that he is really gone. His death pars with my other childhood hero, Steve Irwin the croc hunter, god damn why do they have to die so early.

Even up till now, I never get tired of listening to his music that transcends beyond anything a normal person could ever accomplish. Some of my favorite songs I can name on the top of my head are 'Billy Jean', 'Heal the World', 'Black of White', 'The Way You Make Me Feel', 'Earth Song', ' Smooth Criminal', 'You rock my wold', 'Don't stop till you get enough' and 'Rock with you'. And every single one of those are amazing.

I can't stand people eating so much shit from the media that they label MJ as a child molestor, he was forced to accept what he was not in order to get past all that bullshit, Michael, you are a hero. A hero not only to the United States, but to the world. Every single country will listen to your music. Your music connects everyone together and rock with your beat.

I will let my son hear your music MJ, my son's sons, my son's sons sons, and I'll make my son make his sons and their sons and every one of my kid's kids listen to Michael Jackson.

You will never be forgotten, because once you forget someone who's gone, their very existence will fade away. Fuck dammit I planned to visit you when I got older.

So many people believed in your beat, your musicality, your rhythm your soul. You connected different people from so many parts of the world into one entity, You, are the best there is, no, you are a God. No other can take your place, not Rain, not Usher, not Se7en, nor Justin Timberlake no one.

Michael Jackson, you will always be the King of Pop. And I will try my very best to not think of how you died, but how you lived.

Live on through your music forever MJ, we love you.

I'll probably record something fun as a tribute to you Michael.

Rest in peace from Malaysia.


Sometimes love comes around

And it knocks you down. . .

~21st of June 2009 : 5.50pm~

Dear Diary,

Today, I write about another heartache I'm feeling. A few years ago I met Jackie on a website, had some fun, played around, we liked each other and started dating around this year's May 2009, things went really well. I heared from her friend Sadie that she deals with stress all the time because her life's really giving her a hard time, and I try to make her happy, even though my life is as stressful as hers.

She's playful around me, sexy, clever, cute, sneaky and just amazing. She being my girlfriend made me feel complete, and she told me she felt the same about me being her boyfriend. I started saving up money to try to see her in a year.

One fine day she decides to be a tease, not telling me anything at all. Well I didn't really mind, until it went on for weeks. Every time I asked her a question, she would reply a simple 'maybe..'. It started pissing me off when she kept some things important from me giving me a 'maybe' for each answer. She please herself playing with me, and each time I was hurt. Not knowing what was happening and what to do, I worried over her and lose alot of sleep.

Every fucking time she'd tell me her problems only when I pressed her about it, it's annoying like fuck. I know it stresses her and me, but what is the god damn point of me being her boyfriend if she won't even confide in me? Questioning her over and over and over again just to find out what was happening to her really pisses me off.

What made it worse was when I discovered some painful things about her, she'd tease me with those hurtful things, I felt like she had my heart in her hand and crushed it. at the same time slowly puncturing it with needles over and over. I scolded her to stop it and didn't want her to talk to me about it again because it made me feel pain and she promised me she wouldn't do it, that she would be careful around those creepy guys, that she loves me deeply, and I believed her.

Things were briefly going okay. One day we were fooled around with each other, we sent each other some very sensitive sexy pictures of each ourselves. I even put on a nice sexy show meant only for her to enjoy, to please her, because I love her and wanted to have some fun.

Fucking turns out she let her friend fucking watch me embarrass myself in front of my webcam and pretended to like what I was doing. Jackie even fucking copied my secret sexy photos and gave them to that same friend. I was devastated, I wanted to scream at her or just fucking kill myself right there right then.

I managed control myself and barely to brush it off for our sake and even became friends with her friend, even until now I think Jackie was really stupid for doing that to me. I would never share sexy photos of her with even my most closest buddy, thats fucking offensive. Fucking hell I want those photos of me erased... they aren't special anymore and I feel drained and humiliated.

She promised me that she would never ever hide things like that from me again, and while still in love, I believed Jackie.

Today was the last straw. She told me she found a new job and didn't tell me what it was, she was hiding something from me again. By now she should've known that telling me bits of things and keeping the rest of the story really pisses me off like hell and makes me worry over her for nothing.

Really I care too much. I can't take her stupid teasing anymore anymore and want her to tell me things straight to my face. She thought I wasn't serious when I told her I'd stop talking to her for a month if she didn't tell me, but I blocked her and sent her an email that I was dumping her for hiding things from me.

Trust is needed in a relationship, and she didn't trust me at all, doesn't believe what I say. Well whatever it's over. Today in dance class, I was so sad, hurt and upset that I just didn't have any dance in me and didn't feel like moving. Right now as I'm typing in my house, I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to ear anything, I feel sick to the stomach.

Jackie doesn't know that I've been hurt so so many times in the past from my past relationships with my ex's, that it's hard for me to trust someone.

I give up on Jackie, all her promises are lies, she wants to keep things from me and block me just to avoid telling things to me, fine. But I'm tired of of it. I'm tired of relationships like these and I'm tired of being hurt. I don't want to trust anyone again, it's going to take me a very long time to recover.. years, I just know it.

I just want to be alone curled up in a ball. . . I don't want to love anyone ever again if it's this painful. I want to cry but the tears just won't flow. I don't want to eat anything, I might as well starve to death in my room.


1st show's over

Monday the 8th of June 2009~

Dear Diary,

I just performed at Leisure Mall last Saturday, the crowd, as predicted, just keep looking on at my dance academy's performances with folded arms. Every time acts would end, maybe about 4 people would clap softly.. that's how much leisure mall people suck e_e;

My performance only lasted 54 seconds, super short but I garnered the most applause from the audience with my butt-shake haha. But I landed on my butt.. ohhhhh painnnnnnn

I'm tired~ and worried, my next performance is on Saturday night but my piano partner went to Indonesia wtf. I can't practice and I need enough before it's too late, my throat hasn't healed either. I've even invited people to watch me, omg!

I just hope my throat heals in time, I'll give it my best on this one :3


Oh how shameful

-Friday, June the 6th 2009

Dear Diary,

I've not written to you since May the 10th 09, that's fucked up. It emphasizes on my self-discipline, or maybe, my short term memory's condition. In doing so I broke a vow that I promised myself not to procrastinate this whole year and to write a blog everyday.

I'm going to start writing again, proof is that I'm putting my blog as my browser's homepage.