Why the hell not?

Dear Diary,
Saturday the 31st of January 2009, 4am-ish

So I was singing in the shower today, played myself out too as a secret agent-ish narrating codenames as if I had been trained in the US marines and I thought myself, why the hell don't I write a book?

Geez why not, I may not be the most brightest kid in Malaysia, and I haven't quite covered all those complex terminologies and blingblongs in the vast pages of the english dictionary,

But I sure do have enough common sense to know that I'm going to face an empire of dancers from all around the world and will need to invest an insane amount of time get crush and walk past them in order to achieve fame, I still am hopeful of my singing classes, it's just something transcendant that's been bothering me for god knows how long, the word.. destiny.

If I had to answer a 'What makes YOU, a no-named lazy highschool graduate with some tiny filing experience in your father's firm, think, that you are capable of creating the best book ever written, that you could even possibly dream of being as big as Harry Potter?'

Oh so simple. 'It is, dear guest, the imaginary boundary between what's real and what's fantasy. Plus, I believe you only get the chance to live once.'

jeebus gawd man, I have to plan a shitload of projects ahead of my day, it's all messed up and I reallyyyyy am annoyed with procrastinating.


My doomed future brilliantly played out in a movie.

Dear Diary,
Thursday the 29th of January 2009, 9.19 pm

Watching this movie, I realised I was about to fly and spread my wings, it was beautiful, it was where careers started, I was working at a j-rock wannabe clothes store then and was quickly gaining attention. Eventually a huge fight broke out between me and my dad, it was ugly.

My wings had been cut-off, my hopes and dreams were dashed.

But thinking about it now, where would an aging asian dude wearing makeup go when he turns adult, goddamn I would've been in deep shit if I left the family that day.

I had to look for another inspiration in life, look for a new meaning to live. I could see myself as an entertainer and businessman in the future, but in the end,

It's hard to grow new wings, especially this time stronger.

Revolutionary Road.

This movie was adapted from the novel, it's a mid 1950's about the disintegration of a relationship, two people who are meant to be apart.

The Wheeler family, who are 'special' in their own way having very alluring personalities. Husband (Leonardo DiCaprio as the actor, you know, the guy from the Titanic) working a shitty dull salesman job his dad had worked for 20 years at, the wife (Kate Winslet, you know the girl in Titanic) going through a failed career as an amateur actress.

They move to a neighborhood called Revolutionary Road struggling to raise their two children. Both of them have a heated argument, next day the husband has an affair with a lady he barely knows.
His wife talks to him about going to Paris, living a different life and escaping from the 'rules' which they are sadly following. There she plans to work as a secretary for NATO and give her husband time to discover himself. He is persuaded but his colleagues at work make fun of it.

Skipping the rest of the movie, eventually the wife dies and her husband moves to the city to work with sales specialists and the movie ends there.

The sense of destiny and want moving to Paris, it's so similar to mine.
What's weird is how it scarily portrays my thought of marrying at an early age, lots of people give up their dreams after having children, because it's risky.


Going away for 3 days

Dear Diary,
Monday the 26th of January 2009, 3.20pm-ish

I have to go back to my hometown~

omfg I lost $100 in 30 minutes of gambling LOL my luck's so bad this year

I won back to $80 and lost to $30 again

cant wait to play Texas hold em' up poker

and collect hong pao ;D byebye to my house for now, it's money time~


Poofing for 3 days

Dear Diary,
Monday 26th of January 2009, 4am in the morning

woohoo it's chinese new year, time to collect all those hong pao

eff those idiots who spell them out as 'ang pow', go ang their own asses, it's HONG

imma go back to my hometown for 3 days, and i'll be free for another week when I get back

I'll go back to the british council on february, studies are top priority over everything else.

I need my determination back


Getsum new moves

Dear Diary,
Saturday the 24th of January 2009, 1.40am-ish

Geez I needs to sleep earlier and set a good time x3

sammy gotta practice new moves, focus on one specialty at a time so i can master something geez

hmmm hiphop vocal piano guitar latin dance studying

lesse here the priorities should be set according to the order of importance =3

-latin dance

zzzzzzz its hard to sort it outs Dx
me ish gonna bed ~3~


So much to do jeebus

Dear Diary,
Friday the 23rd of January 2009, 1.30am-ish

I have so much to do, I have to continue the cafe project, practice piano, practice guitar, dance and singing, i have to keep updating the blog too

most importantly, studying for o' levels

and making videos and stuff, i want free time to do it x[

have to sleep


I've improved 400%

Dear Diary,
Monday the 19th of January 2009, 11.30pm-ish

Yesterday I didn't have time to blog due to my deep slumber.

Did I mention I've signed up for vocal classes again? My new teacher's around my age, he's a classical singer, meaning Pavoratti power house opera singing. He has this all-knowing knowledgeable mystery surrounding him, I knew I picked the right person. After listening to my voice, he said I had something special, and that he'd push me to the max to open up my vocal chords and develop a very powerful voice, I knew I could sing, somehow. As for piano class it's kind of static, more like drifting away, I have to push myself harder on it.

In both hiphop and latin dance, I've adapted and become really good at both. Our great instructor gives me a very studious look each time I dance. She was measuring my feet for some Latin dance-shoes I placed an order on, I asked her 'Have I improved?' and a very eye-opening reply came back to me, 'You've improved extremely, but I can tell you're still not practicing at home.', she replied. She must be psychic or something.. but I admit I didn't even 'try' at all. I knew I was a natural, somehow. Now I have to prepare for Ms. Malaysia and Ms. World 2009.

Argh as for today
I've slipped on a pile of poop from either a monkey or a dog, while I went jogging and dodged a car, Jeong said she put it there though...

anyways, I read on a very interesting column from the Men's Health magazine Sept 2008 edition that I bought for $5 bucks long ago and spontaneously decided to follow it after much discomfort watching other teenagers my age with better bodies.

After mindlessly working out and seeing only 60% progress made with my body within a very long period of 4 years, I've decided to abandon my old routine and fully pursue what could be the ultimate workout regime.

The 'SRM' stands for Single repetition at Maximum. It's basically the heaviest weight you can possibly lift, you know the heavy one that usually makes you grunt, in one go.

In order to achieve MAXIMUM muscle growth, you have to do 3 sets of 12 repetitions using 80% SRM.

And I did all that EACH on 11 freaking different muscles; the Middle pectorals, upper pec, lower pec, abdominals, lower abs, frontal shoulder, middle shoulder, back shoulder, trapezius, bicep and tricep. Gym from 7pm to 10.30pm wasn't exactly how I planned it, but I loved every second of it.

Oh god as soon as I managed to finish ultimate SRM workout I couldn't stop sweating like a pig and my whole body was moving like jelly. Amazingly my body actually hurts today, that means it's going to be hell tomorrow, and it the end pain always means gain, so I'm going to gain probably about 1.6% bodymass of lean muscle. woohoo

I'm going to sms this to Kristian lol.
'Perhaps the very existence of your membership to the gym revolves around my very meaningful reply in order for you to achieve your desired main body frame. Very well, I've written it all out on my blog at smexy-sam.blogspot.com, enjoy.'

and I'll bet he's laughing after reading my blog for the first time.

geez it's late, I'm going to bed.

Sincerely Yours,

I will work harder.

Dear Diary,
Saturday the 17th of January 2009, 10.20pm-ish

I've been watching a few videos on youtube of X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, American Idol and yadayada.

The general idea in my head, was that these competitions just profit-making commercially-runned show to reach out to the thousands of MTV wannabes.

I was wrong. People benefit from opportunities like this, the show could mainly be made to pluck out those talented, singers and dancers who sadly don't have a chance to pursue their singing career due to their lifestyle.

Great example is Leona Lewis was just a receptionist, what the hell, if her plumber boyfriend didn't suggest to her to go for The X Factor she wouldn't be standing next to Ne-Yo or the current top artists and actually turn into a small store owner...

George Sampson failed to qualify for Britain's Got Talent 2007 season, but he felt the loss was too big to bear and came back again at 2008, determined to win and he did it, this little dude's hardship in life is one of many in Britain.

I myself, was a lazy relaxed carefree person until started working with my dad, earning money is so crappy hard and it feels so damn miserable, but I started taking dance, guitar, piano, singing and gym at the age of 18, I wonder how I'll do in the future. Hah forget about wondering, I'm going to push myself, just like before...

Life is hard, I have to be prepared, at worst conquer it, at best beat the shit out of it and succeed.
Take chances, they'll get you what you want. Otherwise fail and try again.


I'll be wearing glasses.

Dear Diary,
Friday the 16th of January 2009, 10.20pm-ish

I've always thought to myself how people wearing glasses in my country Malaysia were so unfortunate and so sadly, unlucky. That's because I've never met anyone who actually looked good wearing them. ;]

And now my divine narcissistic almighty narcissist presence that is one with universal flow which has created the most unique asian whose name would obviously eventually be written in the books of history, is going to wear a pair.

I've pissed off the store operators (Optical 88) by making them take out 70 different Gucci, Dior, Solvil Titus, Rayban, Okley, Emperio Armani and other famous branded glasses.

Funnily I was about to pick Emperio Armani costing $835, then the 2nd day I glanced and saw a really hawt looking pair of New Arrival, Solvil Titus glasses costing $700 and it looked so good.

well out of 300 pairs of glasses, only 1 survived my vicious test of beautiful perfection. only one.

I'm pretty excited, maybe I'll look like Bae Yong Jun cuz of my fat lips, haha


Taking o' level Sayfol test again.. WTF?!

Dear Diary,
Thursday 15th of January 2009, 10.40pm-ish

It's reallyyy funny, I remember that day as clear as a crystal, sitting in the Principal's office, us three alone, me, Ms. Tapscott and Ms. Kamalnadin or something (Ms. K)

'Can you explain your current performance in your studies, Jeffrey Chee?'

'Umm.. I enrolled in school.. for General Knowledge!'

'General Knowledge? -listening curiously and carefully-'

'Yes, it's for my living skills, I only needed english. I want to drop alot of my subjects so I can perform better.'

And so I dropped 5 MAJOR subjects, Maths, Chinese, History, Geography, Accountings haha

I used to believe I only needed to work and studying would be a waste of time, I worked with my dad and it really sucked, hard. :/

now I can't believe I'm going back into History and Literature, I haven't picked up literature for 5 years, but since it's O' levels I can do this surely.
Hopefully I'll get into Taylor's this July 2009


My Dream

Dear Diary,
same date and day as below, 11.55pm-ish

I just want to write this down so I will never forget again, before I go to bed.

My ultimate goal is to

first of all make a super awesomely high definition music video lol
reach for the stars.. leave a mark on the world before I die
make this the most meaningful life
attain true freedom
to be able to raise my family and afford anything
be the nicest person everyone will ever know :3


Oh good lord how could I forget

Dear Diary,
Wednesday, 14th of January 2009, 11.30pm-ish

Oh what the fuck man, what the effing farkk

I remember who I am now, it all came back to me, strangely as if I had never been depressed just as said earlier O_o to hell with you depression, you're wasting my time and my life, everyone's going to die after 70 years and youre trying to tie me down? *smashes my car on your neck* haha

I am that korean-looking chinese lookalike who can take on Rain and Se7en with my looks and am going to gym 3 times a week just to conquer this nuisance tummy that refuses to magically turn into abs the next morning

I am who I am, I remember who I am, don't tell me who I was before and what I'm supposed to be now. I'm Sam, the one who's going to take on The World's Sexiest Man on Earth (by the age of 30 I suppose) if not, then atleast a freaking well known sexy asian man ;D

then go skydiving and bungee jumping at the super ripe age of 70, HELL YEAHHH >:3 XDDDDD

I remember, everything.
I will be, a great man.
no more moping about bullshit,
I HAVE to get into mass comm course in Taylor's college and study my fcking ass off in Literature and History, pickpickpickpick, ah stupid waste of time i'm taking both D:<


adrenaline baby.



Dear Diary,
Tuesday the 13th of January 2009, 11pm-ish

I reallyyyy screwed up my blog, and i dont have time to fix it till 2 days later x[

I'm experiencing difficulty in my speech, I suspect the reason is fear. Noone must discover my low self-esteem, I need to get it back. So this is what growing up is all about >=[

relaxx relaxxx be yourselffff x_x


I'm gonna smash somethinggg

Dear Diary,
Monday, 12th of January 2008

I've been saved. Comforted, enlightened, inspired, I've come back.
It's not a good thing to overthink and overanalyse too much, you've got only one life anyways,

I got serious with life and it punched me in the face, now I'm comin' back with a baseball bat and ready to crush some bones :3 muah thanks friends

back to the drawing board, top 5 choices-

  • Singer
  • Dancer, hybrid with singing ofcourse
  • Entertainer
  • Deejay
  • Manager

grr I was about to start thinking again, be spontaneous!
I'll be all 3 at once. there we go ;D mass communication studies here I come
I have to be World-Class in order to compete.


I'm suffering.

Dear Diary,
Monday, 12th of January 2008, 1pm-ish

My depression has gotten worse, I want to be my positive self again but life keeps walking over my head, I need my friends at this time, but they have their own lives to live, noone can pull me out of this darkness, I'm on my knees, but I have to stand up myself again, just like that time when she died...

I'm down with a fever, but I'm fighting it continuing to pursue my gym schedule, I'm not letting anyone in my family know.

My heart hurts because there's a girl I like who's been swept away by another dude and she doesn't want me no more, guess she think she's got somebody better, sexier, whatever, but it's not like I can't live without her right? There's a part of me that wishes that I couldn't.

I've lost my confidence and determination, why? Because of my direction in life, I'm thinking of being a DJ.
I wanted to be an entertainer, but if I think logically, there's a big chance of Fail in the long-run, no income to support my parents, my own family, or even myself. My motivation for my classes almost went nil, there's something up with me

I have to stand up again, be unique again, be once again, different.
The fake smiles that I've given to everyone, I wish somebody would look me in the eye and ask me,' What's wrong?'



Dear Diary,
Sunday, 11th of January 2009, 7.20pm-ish

I'm having some weird depression, feeling maybe a little down, I dunno =(
There MAY be 5 main problems

  • Dad is definitely a problem, fucking keeps pressuring me. Solution? Kill him. haha it's a joke, but I've had serious thoughts about it. Even on weekends all he does is complain.

  • College, have to take a test in May 2009 so I can get into college on July 2009, that means working for my dad for 5 more effing bitch months. Solution? I can probably study for two whole months straight without a break.
  • I've been single for quite abit, I'm not sure whether to or not to embrace a girl I like, 4 girls are pushing for me.
  • Oh I think I'm getting it, it may be because I'm STILL procrastinating.
  • Procrastinate + Forget = my life sucks.
  • I wanna buy glasses, but mom doesn't want me to get the one I chose.
  • I hate office work with passion.

sighhhh I knew it, it's underlying depression,
I didn't even know I had so much problems until I wrote it all out,
I'm gonna work on these right away.
I'm slowly forgetting who i am.. what i wanna be, what i hope to achieve, what i wish to instill into the hearts and minds of people because of my controlled life..

Where did my determination and confidence go to?


I need glasses

Dear Diary,
Friday 9th of January 2009, 11.40pm-ish

The reason for my past failures
The reason for my bad school grades
the reason why I dont look comPLETELY korean

might be because of my EYESIGHT!!
I went to the optical store today and got my eyes checked, everything looked so clear when i wore the glasses.

Thing is, I'm buying either EmperioArmani or Gucci glasses ;] it's like RM830
and mom says she'll kill me if i do, and i dont care xD

but i will take her advise and visit other optical stores first before going back to that one

i effing hate work, it's so stupid, it's an officeboy's job and i have to do crappy paperwork thats dealing with numbers

i HATE numbers, i jumped 3215 times on the DDR which is completely irrelevant to what was just said!

should i take her or not :3 i think maybeeeeeee.. erm..........


Apparently the video I tossed at youtube was too 'hot'

Dear Diary,
Thursday 8th of January 2009, 6.30pm-ish

I'm deeply disappointed in youtube, i just took off my shirt and suddenly it goes crazy and sends me a nice warning, oh well, google video upload is better anyway

I'm heading to gym, piano and stuff, I have so much to do today, apparently Choi Eun is someone who's from my old school and wants to join my college too, i'm gonna try to contact her tommorow and try to study together for the exam =]

Dad's also pissing me off like hell, I have to go see the glasses person to see if i need glasses


Stripping on youtube

Dear Diary,
Thursday of 7th January 2009, 11.55pm-ish

it felt so right ;D
this is my first stripshow :3

sad thing is it took away my gym day lol, and i havent downloaded my songs that i wrote down today

but it was a good release :3


An opportunity to strike.

oh pitiful hair of mine, how i wish i could turn back the time

Dear Diary,
Tuesday the 6th of January 2009, 11.30-ish

it's been a while since i went to gym :3
due to the recent trip to europe, my dry skin from the cold-dry climate of europe is healing well~

i'm planning to head over to the british council tomorrow to apply for the history test and get my 3rd credit; which is my last credit, so that i can get into Taylor's~ !

guitar practice went well today, i can play Eric Clapton's 'Tears in Heaven' well, now i need to practice the 2nd part so i can master it lol, not much piano practice today, hmm actually right after i finish blogging i'm gonna go play it abit.

I downloaded Dean Martin's 'Sway', it's the perfect song for me to practice my samba dancing, now i'll have to practice my cha-cha, rumba and jive D: gahh and my hiphop too, latin dance is harder though

this girl i met today was flirting with me all night, there might be something going on O= !


Tough Choices.

Dear Diary,
Monday the 5th of January 2009, 11.40pm-ish

I made a video singing with a cat on my head, it's random, it's cute, it's totally sam!

I'm not uploading my europe photos on blogspot, blogspot doesnt doesnt have enough space for 1,500 photos 1mb each x[

I'm regaining my confidence, now I have to go hit gym =]


My Future

Dear Diary,
Monday 5th of January 2008, 1am-ish

I just finished hiphop and latin dance class and came straight home to bed, i was thinkin' of uploading all of the eurotrip photos but geez my brothers and dad had 'the talk'.

what bad timing, i'm pissed and lost, i dont know how my future looks, will this be the end of sam? ..not. but i admit, i'm upset, my confidence is fading away unless i remember the man i was.

life sucks for me right now.


Mary and I went shopping yesterday

Dear Diary,
Sunday 4th of January 2008, 1.40pm-ish

Yay, me and the first girl I've ever dated (my ex) met up yesterday for the first time and went shopping around KL, it's her first time in Malaysia!

Me and Mary meeting for the first time, she and her mum quit touring
with the tour group coz they brought them to crappy places

Shopping at Times Square~

Just came out of Sungei Wang, I fetched her and her mum back to the hotel
and went home to bed

There were lots of smiles exchanged, most of the time she went 'waaaaa' and kept petting cute things x3


so about my euro tripppp, I'm stuffing all 1500 photos into the blog and arranging them later

edit* turns out the blog only has 1GB space for photos :/ when i have 3GB of photos zzzz
now i have to resize all of them, stupid thing...


Dear Diary,

Sam had 2 days of rest after arriving on the 31st of December 2008 and is swallowed up by 1,500 photos of the euro trip, organizing it right now

Special occasion on saturday 3rd of jan! meeting my first ex-gf forreallll at klcc 4.30pm

Last of all.. sad, shocked, single, not looking


My Resolution.

Dear Diary,
Thursday 1st of January 2008, 10pm

happy new year!

postphoning blogging, still stupidly busy ~