19 Odd Things You Learn By Using Twitter

1

@SamInsanity: You will never fail to tweet after sex.

You'll feel an overwhelming sense of boredom after ejaculation.

HOWEVER, tweeting the following might land you in deep shit.

10. Heading home in 10, once I stop at pharmacy and get my ointment.

9. LOL, looks like the condom slipped off, hope she didn’t notice.

8. Want my money back.

7. It’s confirmed, I’m definitely gay.

6. Need water, feel disgusting inside and out.

5. http://mysecretcam.com/69 — hey guys, check out the hidden cam vid I made!

4. @HungJock — Dude, you’re right, that was totally easy.

3. Getting a boner while puking in your mouth is a weird sensation.

2. Not as good as her mom, but not bad!

1. She passed the audition, I found my new secretary

2

@SamInsanity: Instead of 5 minutes, 2 hours pass while I'm online which greatly screws up all the work I still have to finish.

Obama: I TOLD you to disarm the nuclear missiles yesterday, TWICE!!

What in Sam's name were you doing Harper?!!

Stephen Harper: I was.. on Twitter.

3

@SamInsanity: All important news hits the Twitter before the news ever hears about it, which destroys fake news and propaganda.

Yes! we should go to war. You're always right, Mr. President!

4

@SamInsanity: Strangers online are nicer to you than strangers in real life.

Instead of the usual shit we all go through in real life.

(I so hate being around people.)

This is what my 'where u from' chats look

like after I exchange MSNs with twitter users.

and usually I'm not the one asking the questions. -grin-

5

@SamInsanity: Every single day, no matter who it is; someone will never fail to tweet about needing to diet.

Every day I see a friend of mine needing to diet.

6

@SamInsanity: There will always be someone complaining about how fat they are.

Everyday I see someone complaining about how fat they are.

7

@SamInsanity: You wish Twitter would make a Kick Your Ass Stop Spamming My Timeline button.

Kill yourself, please.

8

@SamInsanity: Schools don't do a good enough job of teaching the difference between "your" and "you're."

Them: well, your stupid.

Me: don't you mean, you're stupid? ;D

No problem, trollface.

9

@SamInsanity: You never fail to tweet no matter if you're walking, in class, at work, in the car, in the toilet, or even in bed.

Yeah right. Last time I checked,

you almost got killed by a car.

10

@SamInsanity: Sometimes, no one is listening.

God, no one gives a fuck. Take a hint?

11

@SamInsanity: I love being retweeted. But I hate it when others ask for RTs.

Being in the social media line, I know how you feel Ed.

12

@SamInsanity: I can't live without Twitter/FB anymore.

I'd rather be with my computer than with my family.

13

@SamInsanity: The world which we thought was so big, wasn't so big after all. The world is a small place where everyone is connected.

Which greatly annoys me, reason being

whenever I chill at Starbucks;

I get weirdos hitting me saying

'Hey I know you, you were dancing at a club the other day right?

By the way my birthday's this week, can you get me in Zouk?'.

I don't fucking know you...

My aunt just messaged me on Facebook the other day not the use the word 'Fuck'.

Kill me now, please.

14

@SamInsanity: You can see your friend's true colour when he/she bitches behind someone's back on Twitter/Facebook without saying the name. Your bestest friend, can be your greatest enemy.

15

@SamInsanity: Some people you know are really quiet in real life, but very talkative on twitter.

There is always someone you know who behaves this way.

16

@SamInsanity: When I say fuck Justin Bieber, everyone will agree.

Need I say more?

17

@SamInsanity: People using the hashtag "#SWAG" on themselves actually don't have swag at all.

Is that swag dawg?

cuz you look more like a rag.

18

@SamInsanity: Sometimes on hard days, you pour every drop of your feelings into one tweet, in hopes somebody will see it and save you.

Forever Alone.

19

@SamInsanity: 8 little birds can carry a whale.

20

@SamInsanity: My tweets are epic, see below.

My twitter is @SamInsanity

Join twitter if you're not on it, it's way better than Facebook.

~Sam Insanity

HP roadshows are back. (Hewlett-Packard Malaysia)

So it begins...

HP’s page announced that its HP roadshow is back again with more great offers.

From the 19th of July - 9th of August 2011, HP Hit Print Roadshow will hit multiple colleges and universities in Klang Valley, you can get details over here.

So at KDU the other day HP happened to be there holding a roadshow.

Ink cartridge, RM27; 600 pages! Holy balls. No need to ask the auntie to photocopy for me anymore lah

I was looking to get a HP Photosmart Wireless but I couldn't win! :( Grrr RM1.00 PRINTER

Next stop, KLMU where HP ran a roadshow again!

I must win either of these printers for RM1 at the roadshow.. MUST MUST MUST.

There’s a photo contest on HP Facebook Malaysia that offers prizes such as HP printers, iPad and Smartphones. Maybe I should take part in it since I'm so handsome? -hears puking sounds in the background-

Okay. See you at the roadshow. Have fun guys~

~Sam Insanity

Hewlett-Packard printers? Affordable and efficient.

Deng-deng-deng~

HP asked me to inform you guys about it's printers, and I must say I am impressed. (either that or I'm really outdated with the capabilities technology of today can bring.)

HP Photosmart Wireless e-All-in-One Printer B110a

If you can email it, you can print it.

Yes. You can Scan, Print and Photocopy AND you don't need wires;

It's a wireless printer.

Without using a computer, you could use the HP TouchSmart Frame to print out your documents/photos/brochures. In my opinion, the best feature of this printer is the cutting edge wifi-based technology where it prints your desired files from anywhere, anytime, with any device using wifi; and nowadays isn't wifi everywhere?

You can print it no matter if you are across the room, or doing you doo-doo in the toilet if you're smart enough to print out the file by accessing your phone (yay BB/iPhone/smartphone users). The price?

It's affordable.

Costs RM389 which is cheap (well, for me at least); but it's great in long-term and the price is definitely worth the value.

You also might be able to receive RM50 off by checking out http://www.facebook.com/HPmalaysia

For a detailed visual of the HP Photosmart Wireless e-All-in-One Printer, click here.

Next up

HP Deskjet Ink Advantage All-in-One Printer K209a

Ultra-low-cost printing baby.

Such convenient print, scan and photocopying features, but wait.

Am I having a wet dream?

(This picture gives me dirty thoughts. -grin- )

600 pages for a RM27 cartridge? Holy balls.

That's like, a 3-hour long orgasm.

This printer ejaculates 28 pages per minute in black ink and 23 pages per minute in colour print outs, which further convinces me it is a sex machine.

And RM27 per cartridge? That's like 4 cents per page yo!

Depending on your print quality and desired ink usage, you could set this printer to low, medium, and high-quality.. such powerful ejaculation features. The price?

RM319.

I'd personally go throw in another RM70 for the wireless e-All-in-One Printer shown above, but if you like to fill up your home's power plug socket's / jack for fun and drive up electricity bills, be my guest ;)

For detailed features of the Deskjet Ink Advantage, click here.

By the way, for all highschool, college and university students reading this

ROADSHOWS ARE ON.

HP will be holding its Hit Print Roadshow around your college. It starts from today (20th July 2011) until the 9th of August so try as much as you can to get the discounts.

Actually, don't try to get discounts.

Even better, play their games and win a HP printer for RM1! Join the photo contest too and win iPads, HP printers, smartphones and etc.

All details of roadshow will be announced on HP Malaysia Facebook https://www.facebook.com/HPmalaysia so , go ‘like’ their page for the latest new and to stand yourself to win new personal gadgets home!

Here's the link for you. https://www.facebook.com/HPmalaysia

I'll be around the colleges to check out the roadshow myself, gonna take a few photos too. See you there maybe!

~Sam Insanity

Are You in a Bad Relationship? Identifying A Loser.

“The Loser” is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. “The Loser” has permanent personality characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, and it is often something they learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of “The Loser”, women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

If your partner possesses even one of the features listed below, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with “The Loser” in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present — it’s not a ‘probably’ or a ‘possibly’. You will be hurt and damaged by “The Loser” if you stay in the relationship.

• Rough Treatment:
  “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them.
  
  
• Quick Attachment and Expression:
  “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” — where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!” You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point — it doesn’t make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a long time and a lot of information before offering a commitment — not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly — but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. “The Loser” typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.
  
  
  
  
• Frightening Temper:
  “The Loser” has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they’re mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others — that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to “witnessed violence” — fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper — throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and cause you to fear their potential for violence, although “The Loser” quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you. But they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability — and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them — fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.
  
  
  
  
• Killing Your Self-Confidence:
  “The Loser” repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard”, unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you’re too fat, too unattractive, or don’t talk correctly or look good. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to treat you badly later — as though you deserved it. In public, you will be “walking on eggshells” — always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument.
  
  

• Cutting Off Your Support:
  In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends — sometimes even their family. “The Loser” feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. “The Loser” begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don’t understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can’t get rid of your best same-sex friend, “The Loser” will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, “The Loser” will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you’ll develop the feeling that it’s better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. “The Loser” then tells you they are treating you badly again and you’d be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.
  
  
  
  
• The Mean and Sweet Cycle:
  “The Loser” cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow “The Loser” to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. “The Loser” often apologizes, but the damage to your self-esteem is already done — exactly as planned.
  
  
  
• It’s Always Your Fault:
  “The Loser” blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly — it’s somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it’s your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. “The Loser” tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. “The Loser” never, repeat never, takes personal responsibility for their behavior — it’s always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them — it’s actually the fault of the other driver (not his), as they didn’t use a turn signal when they changed lanes. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.
  
  
  
• Breakup Panic:
  “The Loser” panics at the idea of breaking up — unless it’s totally their idea, and then you’re dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten to end the relationship. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they’re gone!), or threaten to quit their job and leave the area — as though you will be responsible for those decisions. “The Loser” offers a multitude of “deals” and halfway measures, like “Let’s just date one more month!”
  
  They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of — telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you’ll keep them so they don’t have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers! Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, when you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of “The Loser” — escape will be three times as difficult the next time.
  
  
  
  
• No Outside Interests: “The Loser” will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
  
  
  
• Paranoid Control: “The Loser” will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don’t answer their phone call, you are asked where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you’ve been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make “private” calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you cannot talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is planned on Friday night, “The Loser” will inform you that they will call you that night — sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren’t home for the call. This technique allows “The Loser” to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.

• Public Embarrassment: In an effort to keep you under control while in public, “The Loser” will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with “The Loser” too long, you’ll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You’ll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in “The Loser”.
  
  
  
  
• It’s Never Enough: “The Loser” convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don’t say “I love you” enough, you don’t stand close enough, you don’t do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them — somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.
  
  
  
  
• Entitlement: “The Loser” has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If you feel it is wrong and disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit. If cut off in traffic, “The Loser” feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you.
  
  
  
  
• Your Friends and Family Dislike Him: As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what “The Loser” is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. “The Loser” will tell you they are jealous of the “special love” you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you — not him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them — eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. “The Loser” will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to — even your children. In some cases, your parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your home.
  
  
  
  
• Bad Stories: People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It’s the old story about giving a person enough rope and they’ll hang themselves. The stories a person tells inform us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories of himself. “The Loser” tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don’t see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the “I don’t take nothing from nobody” attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it’s folklore and legends. Listen to these stories — they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what’s coming your way.
  
  
  
  
• The Reputation: As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. “The Loser” may have two distinct reputations — a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant — five say it’s wonderful and five say it’s a hog pit — you clearly understand that there’s some risk involved in eating there. “The Loser” may actually brag about their reputation as a “butt kicker”, “womanizer”, “hot temper” or “being crazy”. They may tell you stories where others have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual’s behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, “The Loser” will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of “The Loser”, it’s because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.
  
  
  
• Walking on Eggshells: As a relationship with “The Loser” continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself “walking on eggshells” in their presence — fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of “The Loser”. Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you’ll have to explain later), and fearful that you’ll see someone you’ll have to greet in public. Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone — exactly what “The Loser” wants, no interference with their control or dominance.
  
  
  
• 
  Discounted Feelings/Opinions: “The Loser” is so self-involved and self-worshipping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don’t make sense, they’re silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. “The Loser” has no interest in your opinion or your feelings — but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. “The Loser” is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.
  
  
  
• They Make You “Crazy”: “The Loser” operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing “crazy” things in self-defense. If “The Loser” is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm — you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well — being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are “going crazy,” it’s important to remember that there is no such thing as “normal behavior” in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from “The Loser” before permanent psychological damage is done.
  
  
  Gentlemen, ladies . . . . stay alert.
  
  
  
  
  ~Sam Insanity