Dear Diary,
10th of May 2009, 6pm-ish
Diary, I am deeply saddened by Amanda's death, it was such a shock for her to die so early. It happened when she was riding with her friend Tomo to watch the new Wolverine Origins movie and a truck smash onto her car where she died on the spot, Tomo is currently in a coma, and her boyfriend? Let's just say he's a broken man right now.
I hope to set up a good date to go with Amanda's best friend Rachel to visit Amanda's grave soon hopefully. I will never forget you hun.. we almost became a couple if you hadnt fallen for another guy x] I'll visit you, I promise. Somehow I want you to watch my performance from somewhere, kisses to you.
My life is going in a good direction I guess, I haven't gone anywhere near confessing to that girl I like, but maybe it'll be soon, bwaaaaah~
Venue: Leisure Mall on May the 6th of 2009
Performance: Hip hop dance
Venue: Leisure Mall on May the 13th of 2009
Performance: Singing.
Song: Sway by Michael Buble
~Sam
Bad time
Dear Diary,
May the 6th 2009, Wednesday at 11.57am
Diary, I've been thinking less about my future and more about my love-life, it's a very bad direction to be heading to. The road to Love leads to marriage, which is the fastest shortcut to marriage and it's been hard for me to resist, because she is such a beautiful girl. I don't know what I like about her, other than her smile, I think about her all the time. I don't want to, it really throws me off my focus on a singing career but lord help me I'm falling hard for her and it's really annoying.
One fine day out of the blue I told her I liked her, and she told me to stop kidding around so I just went with that. Shows a large indication that I'm likely to get rejected. After all, it's adult life; she's busy with her studies, I'm busy with my classes. I still desire to launch internationally, but I'm saddened by the progress I'm making. My exam's coming in a month and I haven't picked up on my book. I have to perform at Leisure Mall sometime around June but something else is on my mind. I need to get back to my roots, haven't felt adrenaline for a while now.
I know this crush is stupid and hopeless, yet I am helplessly longing to be with her. I don't want the dream to end so quickly, it's a big waste of time if you ask me. I have to cut my heart out and forget her before it's too late.
~Sam
May the 6th 2009, Wednesday at 11.57am
Diary, I've been thinking less about my future and more about my love-life, it's a very bad direction to be heading to. The road to Love leads to marriage, which is the fastest shortcut to marriage and it's been hard for me to resist, because she is such a beautiful girl. I don't know what I like about her, other than her smile, I think about her all the time. I don't want to, it really throws me off my focus on a singing career but lord help me I'm falling hard for her and it's really annoying.
One fine day out of the blue I told her I liked her, and she told me to stop kidding around so I just went with that. Shows a large indication that I'm likely to get rejected. After all, it's adult life; she's busy with her studies, I'm busy with my classes. I still desire to launch internationally, but I'm saddened by the progress I'm making. My exam's coming in a month and I haven't picked up on my book. I have to perform at Leisure Mall sometime around June but something else is on my mind. I need to get back to my roots, haven't felt adrenaline for a while now.
I know this crush is stupid and hopeless, yet I am helplessly longing to be with her. I don't want the dream to end so quickly, it's a big waste of time if you ask me. I have to cut my heart out and forget her before it's too late.
~Sam
I have found my answer
Dear Diary,
Sunday the 19th April 2009, 7pm.
This is a very important entry to my diary.
I just came back from Thailand. Dad who I don't usually take seriously said very powerful words while we were heading back home. And it all fell in place, the puzzle pieces.
A while ago, Gosia asked me, ' So about your dream, why do you want to be known so much? '
I answered back ' I want to leave a mark on this world before I stop breathing '
She asked back ' Well this is something very important I am about to ask you.
Who are you doing this for? '
I : ' What do you mean? '
Gosia: ' Are you doing it for your own purpose or doing it only to impress people? '
I : ' Abit of both I guess '
I didn't take that question seriously. After that I found myself thinking to myself 'geebus man, I AM doing this just to impress people'.
So I am telling myself from this day onwards, hopefully not forgetting again, to be diligent only for myself and to THINK everyday. I find that not thinking for a day will without a doubt, SUCK ME INTO THE NORMAL LIFE OF.. normal people who lead boring lives...
Common sense is the key, plus thinking to myself and handling things calmly while devising a new idea and/or plan -calmly- is mandatory.
So I sat on my toilet bowl thinking to myself. ' Where does my nervousness and hesitance come from when I sing? '
If I don't have Pride and don't have any pride my singing, or dancing, totally 0% . I found that out only when I questioned why I was nervous whenever I performed. I am swayed by the unwelcome because i don't take pride in my performance, I cannot repeat that mistake.
My confidence came from my belief that I have some kind of special Potential.
Now the main screwy problem of my life is my discipline, I've been getting up late at night even though I sleep at around 11, when at day-time I feel so sleepy I can't even think. Sometimes I think my back is asleep, even after I work it at gym.
As for gym, I have to push myself much harder, I found that the main problem with the muscle growth is how I eat. I have the raging inferno in my stomach but I haven't built it strong enough it seems, that means I have to gain weight, pushing it to 80kg since I'm only 67kg now, then I'll start the dieting process.
Diary, I hope I won't stall anymore and start practicing my skills from today onwards, doing what I say instead of saying what I'll do. Maybe I should do it like Nodame Cantabile~
~Sam
11.30pm
Sunday the 19th April 2009, 7pm.
This is a very important entry to my diary.
I just came back from Thailand. Dad who I don't usually take seriously said very powerful words while we were heading back home. And it all fell in place, the puzzle pieces.
A while ago, Gosia asked me, ' So about your dream, why do you want to be known so much? '
I answered back ' I want to leave a mark on this world before I stop breathing '
She asked back ' Well this is something very important I am about to ask you.
Who are you doing this for? '
I : ' What do you mean? '
Gosia: ' Are you doing it for your own purpose or doing it only to impress people? '
I : ' Abit of both I guess '
I didn't take that question seriously. After that I found myself thinking to myself 'geebus man, I AM doing this just to impress people'.
So I am telling myself from this day onwards, hopefully not forgetting again, to be diligent only for myself and to THINK everyday. I find that not thinking for a day will without a doubt, SUCK ME INTO THE NORMAL LIFE OF.. normal people who lead boring lives...
Common sense is the key, plus thinking to myself and handling things calmly while devising a new idea and/or plan -calmly- is mandatory.
So I sat on my toilet bowl thinking to myself. ' Where does my nervousness and hesitance come from when I sing? '
If I don't have Pride and don't have any pride my singing, or dancing, totally 0% . I found that out only when I questioned why I was nervous whenever I performed. I am swayed by the unwelcome because i don't take pride in my performance, I cannot repeat that mistake.
My confidence came from my belief that I have some kind of special Potential.
Now the main screwy problem of my life is my discipline, I've been getting up late at night even though I sleep at around 11, when at day-time I feel so sleepy I can't even think. Sometimes I think my back is asleep, even after I work it at gym.
As for gym, I have to push myself much harder, I found that the main problem with the muscle growth is how I eat. I have the raging inferno in my stomach but I haven't built it strong enough it seems, that means I have to gain weight, pushing it to 80kg since I'm only 67kg now, then I'll start the dieting process.
Diary, I hope I won't stall anymore and start practicing my skills from today onwards, doing what I say instead of saying what I'll do. Maybe I should do it like Nodame Cantabile~
~Sam
11.30pm
Thailand here we come
Dear Diary,
16th of April 2009, 9.35pm-ish
Performing on saturday's out, it's time to head on to Chiangmai and enjoy the scenic beauty ;D
Diary, I feel really sleepy these days, my motivation and determinations' in the toilet bowl, I want to feel alive again, maybe this vacation is what I need, my elbow hasn't recovered.
~Sam
16th of April 2009, 9.35pm-ish
Performing on saturday's out, it's time to head on to Chiangmai and enjoy the scenic beauty ;D
Diary, I feel really sleepy these days, my motivation and determinations' in the toilet bowl, I want to feel alive again, maybe this vacation is what I need, my elbow hasn't recovered.
~Sam
Twas amazin'
Dear Diary,
My old thoughts on joining extra dancing classes? I was lazy to go because I didnt think it'd help, but whew the practice was really.. exciting :D I'm going to dance class on tuesdays from now onnn
My old thoughts on joining extra dancing classes? I was lazy to go because I didnt think it'd help, but whew the practice was really.. exciting :D I'm going to dance class on tuesdays from now onnn
Writing a book
Dear Diary,
19th of March 2009, Thursday 1am
Lately.. or should I say sadly, I haven't been so faithful to my blog, it's been kinda dormant since I've been held captive by the ever so sad life of an adult.
But no more~ The exams are around the corner, once I score on it I'll be able to rule the world! .. or maybe just finally get into college :B
Latin Dance, hip hop, GCE O level exams are around the corner, it's time to beef up baby.
Woosh.
~Sam
19th of March 2009, Thursday 1am
Lately.. or should I say sadly, I haven't been so faithful to my blog, it's been kinda dormant since I've been held captive by the ever so sad life of an adult.
But no more~ The exams are around the corner, once I score on it I'll be able to rule the world! .. or maybe just finally get into college :B
Latin Dance, hip hop, GCE O level exams are around the corner, it's time to beef up baby.
Woosh.
~Sam
How to end a relationship.
Remembering that “The Loser” doesn’t accept responsibility, responds with anger to criticism, and is prone to panic detachment reactions — ending the relationship continues the same theme as the detachment.
Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. You can’t feel anything for anybody and you want to end the relationship almost for his or her benefit. Remind them that they’ve probably noticed something is wrong and that you need time to sort out your feelings and fix whatever is wrong with you. As disgusting as it may seem, you may have to use a theme of “I’m not right for anyone at this point in my life.” If “The Loser” can blame the end on you, as they would if they ended the relationship anyway, they will depart faster.
If “The Loser” panics, you’ll receive a shower of phone calls, letters, notes on your car, etc. React to each in the same manner — a boring thanks. If you overreact or give in, you’ve lost control again.
Focus on your need for time away from the situation. Don’t agree to the many negotiations that will be offered — dating less frequently, dating only once a week, taking a break for only a week, going to counseling together, etc. As long as “The Loser” has contact with you they will feel there is a chance to manipulate you.
“The Loser” will focus on making you feel guilty. In each phone contact you’ll hear how much you are loved, how much was done for you, and how much they have sacrificed for you. At the same time, you’ll hear about what a bum you are for leading them on, not giving them an opportunity to fix things, and embarrassing them by ending the relationship.
Don’t try to make them understand how you feel — it won’t happen. “The Loser” is only concerned with how they feel — your feelings are irrelevant. You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you.
Don’t fall for sudden changes in behavior or promises of marriage, trips, gifts, etc. By this time you have already seen how “The Loser” is normally and naturally. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.
Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Keep in mind, if “The Loser” finds out you are seeking help they will criticize the counseling, the therapist, or the effort.
Don’t use terms like “someday”, “maybe”, or “in the future”. When “The Loser” hears such possibilities, they think you are weakening and will increase their pressure.
Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens — we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle — thinking the jackpot is on the way. If we are very stern and stable about the decision to end the relationship over many days, then suddenly offer a possibility or hope for reconciliation — we’ve given a little pay and the pressure will continue. Never change your position — always say the same thing. “The Loser” will stop playing a machine that doesn’t pay off and quickly move to another.
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