I have found my answer

Dear Diary,
Sunday the 19th April 2009, 7pm.

This is a very important entry to my diary.

I just came back from Thailand. Dad who I don't usually take seriously said very powerful words while we were heading back home. And it all fell in place, the puzzle pieces.

A while ago, Gosia asked me, ' So about your dream, why do you want to be known so much? '
I answered back ' I want to leave a mark on this world before I stop breathing '
She asked back ' Well this is something very important I am about to ask you.
Who are you doing this for? '
I : ' What do you mean? '
Gosia: ' Are you doing it for your own purpose or doing it only to impress people? '
I : ' Abit of both I guess '

I didn't take that question seriously. After that I found myself thinking to myself 'geebus man, I AM doing this just to impress people'.

So I am telling myself from this day onwards, hopefully not forgetting again, to be diligent only for myself and to THINK everyday. I find that not thinking for a day will without a doubt, SUCK ME INTO THE NORMAL LIFE OF.. normal people who lead boring lives...

Common sense is the key, plus thinking to myself and handling things calmly while devising a new idea and/or plan -calmly- is mandatory.

So I sat on my toilet bowl thinking to myself. ' Where does my nervousness and hesitance come from when I sing? '

If I don't have Pride and don't have any pride my singing, or dancing, totally 0% . I found that out only when I questioned why I was nervous whenever I performed. I am swayed by the unwelcome because i don't take pride in my performance, I cannot repeat that mistake.

My confidence came from my belief that I have some kind of special Potential.

Now the main screwy problem of my life is my discipline, I've been getting up late at night even though I sleep at around 11, when at day-time I feel so sleepy I can't even think. Sometimes I think my back is asleep, even after I work it at gym.

As for gym, I have to push myself much harder, I found that the main problem with the muscle growth is how I eat. I have the raging inferno in my stomach but I haven't built it strong enough it seems, that means I have to gain weight, pushing it to 80kg since I'm only 67kg now, then I'll start the dieting process.

Diary, I hope I won't stall anymore and start practicing my skills from today onwards, doing what I say instead of saying what I'll do. Maybe I should do it like Nodame Cantabile~

~Sam
11.30pm