"I am out now, out of my cocoon."
Dear Diary,
it's Wednesday
the 10th of February 2010,
1pm in the afternoon and I'm temporarily back in my old home.
This whole week was nothing but
DRAMA.
___________________________
03.02.2010,
The day after I ran away
Step by step, walking my own road, slowly, I'm learning.
There must be progress everyday.
The new room is great. I pay RM150 a month, have 2 fans and a window and have my own wardrobe.
The fat lady and I have fun chasing after and setting up traps for the
alpha-rat. It's smarter than the average rat and twice as big. Won't fall for the unusual rat traps, I even put yummy
BBQ chicken in there for 2 whole nights and not a bite!!
Mom still visits me day to day.
It feels the same, like in that very room. How she knocks on my door in the evenings and comes to sit and talk with me. The only difference is, there is no aircond, there is no internet, there is no swimming pool and I'm free of responsibilities.
Let's see.. I have an iPod, laptop, handphone, car, $700 glasses. What more could I want? .. maybe that GPS.. and Kawasaki Ninja.... shh.
I pay for what I eat and where I live, on my own. It feels better than before.
I used to think people who were hell-bent on saving money were silly, now I myself feel silly.
I have been writing down how much I spend daily,
it didn't occur to me I'd be spending RM240 a month just by spending RM8 a day.
Independence. I don't feel afraid being out there on my own, but instead my senses have heightened and I am much more aware of the things around me.
At night: Bloody fucking hell, my eyes managed to peacefully close with the fans blowing at me and suddenly, a fucking huge shredding sound started scraping at the window and my eyes were bloodshot wide open.
I was just staring hard at the window for rats wondering what the hell was out there. Of all the fruiting things, a cat popped it's head into the window. Dog barks and police sirens could be heard, what a night.
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04.02.2010,Learned two new words.
DeSaintLights and I were chilling at Damansara, as you know he is the photographer for the controversial but gorgeous photo of Baby and I on facebook. I appreciate all he's doing for me (there's a bunch of projects coming along) and all the advice he's given me, it's what I need to survive.
So I spotted an indian kid playing on the table and asked him,'Hmm wouldn't that be a nice photo to take?'. He turned back to see and said.. "FOR WHAT?! I'd rather shoot the lady cooking and sell it back to the shop!" And just like that, I learned the two most important new words in my life.
"
Commercial Value."
I had to think smart.
Fetched baby and dsl to eat durian, I think we opened up 15 durians that night.
___________________________
05.02.2010,
Scary experience.
Oh goddd I feel like shit, eating 15 durian pieces was NOT a good idea. My face is red and I've been drinking water like mad. My phone actually went MISSING. Made a bet and drove to baby's place without a phone, not knowing if she stayed home or went out. Went to Mist Club her to a friend's birthday and lost RM100, fuck. Cutting down drastically on clubbing.
___________________________
06.02.2010,
Scary experience continued.
Saturday, went to vocal classes and spend the whole day looking for fucking phone, it was turned off too because my mom would call nonstop pissed me off. Phone
was still missing, started losing hope finding it.
___________________________
07.02.2010,
Another day wasted.
Did volunteer works to help provide food, oil and rice to old people early 6am in the morning till 12pm, had breakdance class from 1pm to 2pm.
Checked out a high paying singapore job interview, turned out to be smart typical singaporean-scam-dumb-malaysians scam. Fuckers wasted my time. It was so difficult without a phone.
Found my
fucking phone. It was stuck between two stones right at my parking spot, probably dropped when I got in my car,
ripped apart my big-pocket shorts to
shreds for fucking with my me.
___________________________
08.02.2010, A dreadful coming of CNY.I'm having thoughts of just getting away from everything, INCLUDING my mom. She actually forced me to temporarily move back in my old home to celebrate CNY.
Fucking hell it's not a joyous occasion, I don't wanna be anywhere near that man.
I got wind of something though, I heard he was heartbroken I left.
Favourtie auntie and uncle came to Malaysia, spent whole day helping them make passport.
___________________________
09.02.2010...
One case closed.
Done and done. Kevin and I finally drafted up some proper points. After CNY's finished we can finally start the talks.
Before I got out to meet him dad was talking to my worker right behind my chair. It was a very dangerous feeling, we are both like two bombs waiting to explode. I wouldn't know how he would go nuts on me and vice versa, talk about awkward.
Stuff left to finish:
- Get this 'good son' pretend over with.
- Get the portfolio pics done so I can send it out.
- Get the comp cards
- Get a temporary job
NO MORE DRAMA, PLEASE! ):
"I have a grand feeling,
I'm going to be walking this
very very long road.
That's for sure."
~Sam
