Sam Insanity: The real me.

Hello internet.

You and I are strangers, but let's get to know each other a little shall we?

Somehow, you've managed to stumble across my personal blog.

Sadly there isn't much over here to read about over here.

Ever since the Taelor Vega/Johnny Heward case broke and went viral, I've received emails thanking me, bashing me and all that, but it's nice to see something in my once empty inbox. Thank you.

I would like you; yes You, my reader, to suggest something for me to write about. I don't usually blog until I think of something amusing I'd like to talk about, and it's quite hard to find a good topic to talk about so I just leave my blog to rot.

If you have any suggestions as to what you think I should write about, please don't hesitate to send me an email at asksamchee@gmail.com 

As much as I love to write, knowing me; I have no consistency to come up with interesting topics and this blog will probably die if I have nothing to talk about.

I received emails asking me about how they could 'subscribe' to me. I'm sorry but I don't have that feature because in the first place, this is just my personal blog with my personal opinions and experiences and I really hate spam, vice versa I would hate to bother people with spam.

You know my name is Sam Insanity, but you don't know my story. You've heard what I've done, but not what I've been through.

My life is a movie.

Would you like to listen to my story? Read on.

I built this blog from scratch when I was a teenager and it kept me company throughout the years as I grew up, from the time of my depression to the time I lost my virginity, to the time I joined my first modeling competition, to the time I went against my father and ran away from home; all which were key parts of my life.

I'll tell you a little secret about Sam not-so Insanity. Well, a big secret. I've kept this story locked away from everyone for over 10 years.

I'll be honest, I have no real friends; only a handful of best friends. I prefer to talk to strangers because that's when I feel someone is really listening to me. Listen to my story.

There's not much to know about me.

In the late 1990s when I was the ugly quiet nerd in highschool that no girls would look at twice, and I was hyperactive when alone at home; poorer compared to my classmates. While they owned a GameBoy Advance and Pokemon cards, all I had was a rubberband and a ruler.

While they had the latest Nokia N-Gage phone, I was playing Snakes on my crappy Nokia 3310. While they telling each other how cool Eminem and Linkin Park were, I secretly enjoyed listening to the music they labelled 'gay'. Backstreet Boys, Westlife, N'sync, Bryan Adams, Savage Garden, and Michael Learns to Rock.

I took my education for granted and didn't participate in any extra-curriculum activities. I secretly loved acting and singing, but I was scared of others judging me. I hung around douchebags who thought they were the coolest kids in school; I wanted to fit in.

I didn't see the point in my education.

My dad was a very harsh and abusive man who was the source of my depression while I was younger. He had that kind of mentality of Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler or Leonidas from the 300. I'm not kidding.

If he didn't like something, he'd shout verbal abuse loudly and embarrass you. His anger management was so bad, he would throw anything he sees at you and punch your face.

I was heavily abused among all my 4 brothers. Punched in the face, pulling out grass from the frontyard in the scorching sun, smashed with a textbook in my forehead, hit with a torchlight, locked outside my home; the list just goes on. I hated the man while I was younger, but he taught be how to be strong and I have undying respect for him.

As a form of escapism, I grew an online addiction and got on GaiaOnline, played MMORPGs like O2Jam, Warcraft, posted on online forums, watched anime, read manga (still read Naruto) and; as much as I'd hate to mention it; I became good at flirting with girls online and eventually had an online girlfriend from Texas for 2 years (we eventually broke up though we met each other later on). And I flunked my GCE A-levels during that time.

I was trapped. Forced to work in my dad's business; it's all written in my blog. You know how the whole father-and-son business thing goes. I felt so lifeless and depressed in that office cubicle for 3 years, I wanted suicide. Caged by my dad, I was going insane. Out of a whim when mom saw modeling auditions for Ford Models taking place, she asked me to join and I jumped at it. Amber Chia the no.1 supermodel in Malaysia changed my life.

After I ended up as top 10 male models of Malaysia, I broke out of the cage and saw the world with my own eyes.

I was letting out.

With all my feelings bottled up inside; all the sadness, the pain, and all the depression I kept bottled inside me; I let it all out.

I frequented events; usually the ones in the fashion scene. People actually think I'm a model, which I find so hilarious, although I've done stuff for my portfolio over here. It was pretty cool to get a lot of free stuff like DKNY perfumes and Topshop items.

I usually went to big VIP alcoholic events like Johnnie Walker and Hennessy. More and more people knew me from extreme partying and letting out, which can be seen here or mainly here.

I was being seen with women in almost every event. I loved it. I never experienced anything like it outside that stupid office cubicle.

I met a girl and fell in love. She taught me so many things and changed my life; changed the way I carried myself.  Without her, my hair would probably look like Steve Aoki and I'd still be wearing $5.00 shirts. She stood by me and dealt with my emotional shit for almost 2 years. I wasn't good at expressing my true feelings. She completed me, but I felt something was missing from my life; I wanted more. I desired freedom, I desired my goals. I took her for granted and she left me. I learned a lot from her, and I regret losing her. Everything about Kate was wonderful, and I hope there's someone out there who can make her happier than I ever could.

Here's a secret, I'm allergic to alcohol. I have starch allergy, and drinking one can of beer makes my whole body red. No one believes me, and that is the reason why I'm always drunk, and when I'm drunk, I save lives and steal street signs as well as make brazilian waxing appointments I don't know about.

The freedom burned out.

I was building a network; but after meeting all the big-shot celebrities in the country, at the end of all my efforts, I found out it was all pointless waste of time. I found that everyone who came up to me wanted something from me. I looked for friends to stick with me, but there was no one.

I found I was different from the others.

I'm at the point in my life where I've seen it all. I'm not famous, just pretty well-known in Malaysia. I'm distancing myself from everyone again and I stopped going to events because of all the fake people I didn't need in my life. I'm surrounded by fakes everywhere, and I found that being alone back then made me stronger.

That is why I spend a lot of time on 9GAG. The guys over there know me well and I'm a regular. Go ahead and google 'Sam Insanity 9gag'. Sadly real life is calling me and I'll have to leave my online life again.

My family is pretty dysfunctional with everyone staying in their own rooms doing their own thing, but we love each other.

It wasn't easy to keep smiling for so many years feeling sad and broken inside.

I changed so much from a sad little nerdy boy into a confidently childish, but secretly cold and cynical man.

I've learned so much in just 2 years, I can't even believe I'm living this life.

I made a decision to go back to college, and it's a decision I have never regretted. Right now I'm doing some acting for YouTube on the side which can be seen over here and most famously over here.

I've become well-known because of Amber Chia, Ming Han, Joseph Germani, Dan Khoo, JinnyBoy and Reuben, I thank them for that. I'll be busy producing my own short videos soon; please look out for it.

And that my friends, is my story.

On the right sidebar are some articles I wrote, they're pretty crap but if you're free why the hell not->

I wrote about the 7 ways to become irresistible to women when I was 19. Heh. How wrong I was.

I don't update all that often because I keep myself busy in real life. If you do have any suggestions of what I should write about, please do suggest something and send an email to asksamchee@gmail.com; otherwise I'll just leave this blog to rot. I would also like to get to know you, so feel free to have a little chat with me on my Facebook or my Twitter.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I'm weird. I like weird people. I like talking to strangers and staying online over real life.

I feel like the whole world is watching me right now, and I wanted to tell you; you guys are all I have.

Thank you.

~Sam Insanity~

41 comments:

  1. I love you samwise gamgee.

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    1. I'm starting to regret putting this up -_-"

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    2. But thank you for reading my life story :)

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    3. U're cool, remember to stay strong, go and get your goals =D . .wadever it is, ur fans will always support u! =)

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  2. First time I've felt important in this life ~"you guys are all I have."~
    -Thanks :P

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    1. It's true! I love you internet people :b

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  3. I have to say... that was quite inspirational (:

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    1. Thank you. It was one of those terrifying life experiences I had to go through

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  4. Hugs..you always know I'm here for you, right? Always been ;)

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  5. This is pure courage, to write directly from your heart in a forum that can be read by anyone. Don't ever regret honesty.

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    1. This blog has served me well as a diary. Thank you Colette~

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  6. I felt the same way except im a girl & im not a model or that good looking. I always found love in all the wrong places. Unable to find an outlet for my problems I took up drinking as an teenager, tried to commit suicide a couple of times. But I figured I could make people feel miserable to lol... After years of depression I finally found my sanity in my boyfriend. He completes me hes my salvation & my sanity.
    Oh I forgot my name is samantha but everyone calls me sam,

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    1. Lol I don't think I'm good-looking at all. People think I'm korean all the time. I still have confidence issues because I wear braces. I'm happy for you Sam c:

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  7. Nice! :) I already know some of it, but just dropping by here so you won't forget me! Hehee! Bbm me once awhile <3

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    1. You lah~ got new bf dont wanna talk to me anymore ;b

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  8. Intresting and a bit sad and a bit joyful ....Thank you for shareing a bit from your daily life...Keep it in the way you want ...And live the way you want and feel is right :P.

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    1. Heh, the sad thing is I still don't know what I want!

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    2. Hmmm you are still young you have time to figure it out what you want....I relate alot with your story and I kinda envy you for being able to speak about your past ....I like your onesty Sam keep it in this way >_<

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  9. You actually remind me of myself. Abusive father. I was a nerd who didn't care about his education. I was treated badly by girls. I listened to crappy music and called good music 'gay'. Sam.. Just... Believe me, you aren't the only one in the world. We're all in this together. Let it out. And I am probably the only one who truly understands your feelings. Yes, that's a though one, but I am truly the only one. I am not a model or famous and I yet haven't achieved anything in life. But you inspire me. We went through the same shit, and it's a shit that'll turn golden. Just like you did. (Of course you ain't a shit that turned golden, but you get what I am trying to say xD).

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    1. At my times of darkness I always felt alone. I've always someone else who was going through what I did. It's great to know there are unattractive nerds like us! Together Alone~

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  10. read this and found out I'm not alone. haha countries away and you've now managed to make my day brighter. i feel better abouit my future already. thanks Sam. :) really, i mean that.

    P.S
    also i like that you are always drunk. not all of us can live life sober. Sometimes it's too painful. *shrug* i say why not. (but im not a doctor so who knows.) anyways, thank you sam. <3

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  11. Oh This actually cheered me up. It's cool that almost perfect looking guys, filthy rich, chased by girls, who lived under the limelight can also have sad lives behind them. God is quite fair huh. but WTH, at least you're not living the life of a local sidewalk vendor or what not. Anyway, Cool story bro. :)

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    1. It's funny you bring up that point, because I always detested the idea of myself as a chicken rice seller <_<

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  12. I love who you've turned-out to be in your story. If I was a girl, I'd give you a chance of a making a virgin out of me. (huh? ya right.) Anyhow, take courage, don't be a coward in life and live it to the fullest until you decide you've done enough to make a point and go retreat into some little cave where no one will remember you unless you've bombed-up your life so nicely or the reverse. When you go through hell, you know how to appreciate a smile for real and give one back without feeling like you need to deserve it. Respect is given when you want it so bad.

    Been through a lot of ups and downs just like a freaking movie adaptation too. All of us (kindred souls) if combined can make a little series of short stories and show the world we're not too different really. Maybe you can start one (i.e. local anime or YouTube stuff), and I'll contribute to you materials from my life. It may excite or bore you all to bits. LOL

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  13. You've been through a tough life, and it's a great thing that, even though things have been shitty, you're still around. Everyone has their story to tell, unfortunately, there are stories like yours that make us all stop to think about how no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Your story was inspirational, and I do hope you keep up writing, it seems to be a terrific outlet for you. :)

    Wishing you fun, success, and happiness;

    Angel Anarchy <3

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  14. Quite an inspirational post. There is a piece of me that i can relate to with this post, just that i am still a nobody ><

    However, having studied in an international school and being able to be a COO at a young age of 18, i felt that you kind of contradicted your statement that you are poor. You were not exactly poor, maybe just less wealthy in a sea of wealthier peers lol.

    Keep doing your thing bro!

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    1. I was paid RM750 a month v_v At the time I thought it was high paying until I realised people out there got paid 2k minimum and I was being paid less than a Myanmar worker's salary

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  15. nice post.always love to read your post

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  16. hey, this was a touching read. wanna meet up for drinks? (no homo)

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  17. Cheers, tough life. Glad you're doing alright (sort of) now. We all have our good and bad times..keep it up..

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  18. I felt like reading my own life story when I was a teenager. I know the pain and all. Part of your story, I see myself in it but the only diference is you manage to break out while Im still struggling to overcome my past.

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  19. Life no takes 2...whatever happened , let it go..it just a part of your life...you never know your life is good or no until the day you die..

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  20. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dreVgpgeKM&feature=share&list=PL3pwb-L5UhKvX3zYp62RYAR9dhqV7sS1X&index=1

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