Dear Diary,
Today is Monday
the 22nd of February 2010,
0100 hours and I'm in my old room.
It's my birthday, I am officially 20 today onwards.

I have a plethora of issues:-

  1. Hair
  2. Manager Contract
  3. Modeling
  4. Studies
  5. Work
  6. Moving


As innocent as hair seems, I find myself forced to mindfuck over what the hell I'm going to do with the black roots growing out in contrast to my blonde hair. I look like a freakin' lala whore. My initial thought was to


all my hair off and go bald. Mom rejected it outright, she didn't want a monk living in the house.
I'm leaning towards colouring the roots now, I kinda like my blonde but the black is really making it messy. But then another question pops up, should I


it another colour? Let's see.. what options do I like. Crimson red, Hazelnut brown, White, Black. (No Green, Blue, Orange, Rainbow). But then again, I might just keep the blonde.

unsolved, moving on.

Manager Contract

Diary, these 4 bishes are mindfucking my earhole to the point when someone asks me about
any of the above I would ask them to shut the fark upp.

  • I shall.. meet up and discuss the contract with the parties involved, this Thursday.
  • If talks break down and ends fail to meet, I will go around college campuses, and do a survey to see which one is the best for me.
  • Temporarily work until this coming March, my O' Level results should arrive by then.
  • While studying I will take small jobs and model on the side.

Negotiations on the contract have succeeded, handshakes are exchanged and I will be under them for a whole year. If it goes damn damn damn well, I will continue another year, if I think I've had enough, I shall finally study.


And now for the final battle..


This is mindfuck to the point where I literally shit bricks.

Being outside, feels good. The only bad things are rent, and location. Maybe that big ass rat that sneaks around behind the couch I sleep on every night. I don't feel like resting in that place, which may be a good thing and a bad thing. There are also no homely responsibilities.

Being in my old home pampers me with everything from water/electric to wifi, but it's bad. To the point I stay in my room and don't want to get up. The airconditioning feels so good, which is also the reason why I'm late for work on some occasions. I also don't like my parents busting into my room to ask me to go here and there. WIFI, is addictive.

Some people say I'm nuts to sleep at 11pm, that it's too damn early. Well let me tell you this, your sleeping time has gone from 8pm as a child, to 3am in the wee hours and you get up for school 3 hours later. Who is the fucked up person me or you? I need atleast 8 hours of sleep or the next morning I'll be braindead.

Back to point, I don't know if I should move back to my old home. It was sudden I moved out, I'm paying RM150 a month for a place to sleep with no wifi and only fans to keep me cool at night.

Being outside brings out my inner peace and helps me with my creativity although it's physically hot. Free of responsibilities, I have my own road to walk. Location is shitty far from the gym.

Being back at home stresses me out and this cold comfy room numbs me, it is physically soothing but not internally. Parents dictate terms, responsibilities. Gym is nearby.

Mindfuck, still unsolved.



No comments:

Post a Comment