False Promises.

Dear Diary,
Thursday 26th of February 2009, 10.50pm-ish (sneaking on at work)

If you can't deliver a promise, don't make a false promise. It feels so disappointing and then you say, I forgot. How could you make up for all the anticipation built up for days, my trust and all the time I put myself into believing in you, it's hell. Don't let me down, I plead.

Promises I make to myself, it's all real, but it turns into a false promise whenever I forget all about it or procrastinate about it. Either way all I have is myself to blame, there are no excuses. How can I aim to be the best if I can't even learn to love and take care of myself. I'm about to hit 20, it's the beginning to adulthood and my profession will depend on how I've performed in the past.

I may be down with the 'blues' right now, but I can't waste my time any longer, I've been clowning around for too long. Wasted time will never come back, and 60 years is all that I have. I want my determination back, there's a fire in my heart that's about to explode and run through my veins like drug.

P.S Happy birthday Ken

~Sam

God that was funny

Dear Diary,
Sunday thew 22nd of February 2009, 11.40pm-ish


omg traumatised for life. fcking buttercup birthday cake man, holyyyyy heck lmfao





~Sam, had a birthday today.

p.s. this is my last year as a teenager, I better have fun like one :B

And so I turn 19.

Dear Diary,
Saturday the 21st of February 2009, 8.20pm-ish

It's raining outside as I start typing out my dismay over growing a year older. Yes it's true, my birthday is on the 22nd of February. Another pointless year passes by and I can't believe I'll be hitting 20 the next year -spam- awugbavlajgbaohanvioawvn Well age is just a number anyway, umm.. cavemen never counted their age in the old days! so I'm still young no matter what ;D

~sad birthday~

~Sam
has turned 19.

Lost friends

Dear Diary,
Tuesday the 17th of February 2009, 1am-ish

Friends, wherever you are, I wish I didn't have to be the one saying 'hi' all the time.

It's so dreadful that people you were once close to, just stop talking to you when they get busy, or have their hands full, find somebody to love, pursue their studies, move back to their own countries, etc.

Everybody goes through it in life,
There's this stupid thought 'I'll just wait for him to call' and that's it. We're so half-assed lazy that we don't even realise how we all grow apart because of this.

I can't stand it. I wish we'd never meet at all if it came to this. When I was a kid I once thought to myself, 'I think it's best to have a few very close people as friends, than to have alot of people you think you're friends with, but no one is close to you at all'.

It's a quality over quantity thing. And of course, it's been proven.

Sometimes I think 'do we really need friends? they get in the way of our journey to self discovery, the pursuit of our dreams, they make us lax and hinder our determination.'

The true meaning of friends will be that they will always be your shoulder to lean on whenever you're feeling so useless and depressed. I guess I don't have a best friend, or I do but I shut myself in a shell on purpose and take the pain alone because I don't want to disturb them since they live so far away now and are ever so much more busier in their own lives.

I feel like I want to be alone again, but what's the point in life if you can't smile and be happy? Share things with others?

Point of it all, it's so hard to find someone you can trust and believe in, and if you do, it's easy to let go of them and so hard to get them back.

~Sam

Go away

Dear Diary,
Tuesday the 10th of February 2009, 11.15pm


Go away fever go away, I need to get well,
Go away, go away, why won't you go away?

Thoughts in my head get out, you're making my head swell,
Go away, go away, please just go away

Memory loss you're hurting me, forgetting things give me hell,
Go away, go away, I beg you, go away

Insecurity I need to go back to myself, it's as if I'm under a frightening spell,
Go away, go away, please, just go away. . .

Long roads I walk, meaningless goals I achieve, keeping myself busy, helps me forget what I seek

All this time alone, in this little shell as I mourn, each time I've fallen, I stand up on my own

If you're there take me, take me from this cage, I'm blind and in pain, take me away from this place

Wait a minute, why wait, why rot in my wait

As I change, changes come, weaknesses I carry, are for myself to blame

So I begin to travel, to search for my old spontaneous self.

I radiate love, wherever I go. My body has it's own wisdom, and I trust that wisdom completely.

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. I am my own unique self, special, creative, and wonderful.

I am my own best friend and cheerleader, I love and accept myself just the way I am.

I am free to choose the way I live, and I put priority to my desires.

Today I give myself permission, to be greater than my fears.

Twisted afflictions, better make sure you pray. *cracks knuckles*


~Sam

Don't watch Ong Bak 2

Dear Diary,
Sunday the 8th of February 2009, 12pm


Woahh I woke up late, played Fallout 3 all night whew pwnage game

DONT WATCH ONGBAK 2

not worth your money

I think I'll be getting a girlfriend soon haha x3

~poof~

~Sam

Gahhh

Dear Diary,
Wednesday the 4th of February 2009

I've had TWO months worth of holidays and it really took a toll on my brain. ish like, dead. D=

I cant remember what the heck i'm supposed to be doing and get really REALLY sleepy on afternoons which is sooo teenage years

ah there's only one medicine, busying myself :3

let's see Rihanna's coming to town but i dislike her..

ah, Jason Mraz concert on March 2009, PERFECT

~Sam

Sometimes, life just gets to me.

Dear Diary,
Monday the 2nd of February 2009, 5.30pm-ish


Life gets to everyone, amazingly even me. All my randomness, self-indulgence, and beliefs just goes shark mode and backfires at me, destroys whatever self-esteem I have, and leaves me staring at the ceiling for hours wondering what the hell's the meaning to this life.

Then after a long while I feel alright after talking to kelly about it and have thoughts 'I don't wanna end up like that everyday normal guy', or the guy on the street who sells pizza every freaking day of his life until he's dead.

It's alright if he actually someone who has no choice and has a family to raise, but if he's some carefree bum who's dad wants him to learn the art of making pizza and doesn't care much about the rest of his life taking it for granted, that's somebody who I'll go nowhere close to.

'Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.'

Time to build up some confidence

~Sam