Lost friends

Dear Diary,
Tuesday the 17th of February 2009, 1am-ish

Friends, wherever you are, I wish I didn't have to be the one saying 'hi' all the time.

It's so dreadful that people you were once close to, just stop talking to you when they get busy, or have their hands full, find somebody to love, pursue their studies, move back to their own countries, etc.

Everybody goes through it in life,
There's this stupid thought 'I'll just wait for him to call' and that's it. We're so half-assed lazy that we don't even realise how we all grow apart because of this.

I can't stand it. I wish we'd never meet at all if it came to this. When I was a kid I once thought to myself, 'I think it's best to have a few very close people as friends, than to have alot of people you think you're friends with, but no one is close to you at all'.

It's a quality over quantity thing. And of course, it's been proven.

Sometimes I think 'do we really need friends? they get in the way of our journey to self discovery, the pursuit of our dreams, they make us lax and hinder our determination.'

The true meaning of friends will be that they will always be your shoulder to lean on whenever you're feeling so useless and depressed. I guess I don't have a best friend, or I do but I shut myself in a shell on purpose and take the pain alone because I don't want to disturb them since they live so far away now and are ever so much more busier in their own lives.

I feel like I want to be alone again, but what's the point in life if you can't smile and be happy? Share things with others?

Point of it all, it's so hard to find someone you can trust and believe in, and if you do, it's easy to let go of them and so hard to get them back.

~Sam