Me? A supermodel??

"I sent this desktop photo made weeks ago,

and I got picked."

~5th of November 2009 : 7.40pm~

Dear Diary,

My ass.

I sent in a half-ass application to Ford's Supermodel and check out what I weeded outta my inbox.

Dear Contestant

Congratulations!

You have been shortlisted for the Ford Models’ Supermodel of the World Malaysia 2009 audition

this coming Saturday and Sunday.

Detail of the auditions as follows:

Date : 7th & 8th November 2009

Time : 10am to 7pm

Venue : Jackie Chan's Cafe (2nd Floor, Lot 10 Shopping Centre, 50, Jalan Sultan Ismail, 50250 Kuala Lumpur)

You are required to be present by 9am & bring along your Identity Card for registration purposes.

Dress sexy, dress smart! Your a MODEL and have gorgeous figure so show it off... but NO swim suits pls!

See you there & good luck!

Regards,

Miki Chin

Admin Manager

Amber Creations Sdn Bhd

Well, it wouldn't hurt to go. But I still have doubts over the final decision. Let's see what happens this Saturday shall we?

~Sam

Talking to old people. .

"You must be happy all the time,

but not happy-go-lucky.
There's a big difference."

~5th of November 2009 : 2.40am~

Dear Diary,

Working under my dad these past 3 years I have been unhappy, frustrated, physically and mentally drained, working conditions have been stressful, aggravating, annoying, boring, depressing, afflicting, agonizing, excruciating, disheartening, obstructing, gloomy and time consuming. I actually mean every single word I say, so I've gone through alot during the working period. But most importantly, it was not a waste of time at all, it was not all in vain.

I honestly think that if I were the very same person as I was 3 years ago, I would have ended up as a college-drop out failure in life. I don't want to be a failure. I have dreams, big big dreams, and I am never going to end up like those homeless people on the streets, or those bloody sons who inherit restaurants from their fathers.

Next year I'll be taking a test and am very hopeful to get into college. It's all or nothing, sink or swim. If I don't get in, it'll mean another damn year working at the office again, which I would rather fucking strangle myself than go through again. It'll mean me earning a degree at around 25 or 26, that's the freaking age people get married around.

Few days ago I had to fetch some old dude to the bank (part of my job) and we had some small talk in my car. I asked him for some advice in life and of course he had an abundant for me.

At your age, don't think about love.
You have to focus on stabilizing your money, then when you're ready to raise a family, you're ready.
You must be happy all the time while you're living, but not happy-go-lucky. If you're happy-go-lucky then you're carefree, and you will never succeed in life.
If you're happy, stay happy, but don't forget to be responsible.

Lesson learned? When I was about 14 or 16ish, I was happy-go-lucky while at school. Unmotivated, goalless and ignorant, I went about my own way thinking 'I'd rather work now than study to earn more money.' That was probably the biggest mistake I've made (so far) in my life. Now I have the heart to really study. I'm going to ace that damn test and get into college, maybe one day I'll follow 'his' road. All this pain and hardship will finally start the way I want it.

~Sam

My first condom.

"Sometimes I wonder if I will remain a virgin forever,
the very thought of it scares me."

~5th of October 2009 : 1.30am~

Dear Diary,

One fine day.. I went to Guardian Pharmacy to buy anti-body zit shampoo refills.

Then looking around the pharmacy, I stared at a durex pleasure-max and remembered all the values instilled in me through education that I should use a fucking condom before I fuck. So I took it. It's not hard or complicating, it's just a normal consumer and retailer thing.

(I do admit though, this may serve as a tutorial to virgin guys out there.)

As I approached the receptionist..

I started having thoughts to the extremity to the point where I was actually planning to steal the condom pack.

But then I manned myself up and knew, that this was something every man had to do, even if it was the first step.

After all, how could you bear knowing you stuck something you stole into someone?

As the receptionist scanned the condom's barcode . . .

I did forget to check the price, and god it was hella expensive at $24 or something seeing how China distributes free condoms in front of their hotels, then again it's Durex.

Oh I actually caught the receptionist, she's a nice aunt who gave me a health magazine for free that some other customer bought and forgot to bring with her.

Durex pleasuremax & free magazine, shampoo too

Holy fucking cibai!

FAQs

• No you will not be asked to identify your age
• No the receptionist will not give you a perverted or a disgusted look
• Neither should you
  
• Price of good condom packs're around $30
• Yes I am a pure virgin, and a gentleman at that.
  

Random: Woooot go Obama

~Sam

Face them head on.

"It was a long time ago..
Since when did I start to care?
I feel enlightened,
I feel free,
I feel the way I had always been.
A child at heart, never growing up"

~8th of September 2009 : 10.30am~

Dear Diary,

Diary, it's taken some time for me to think, only now I don't have to.

Dreaming is easy, Reality is bitter. Dad's said some words that make alot of sense yesterday, I feel like I've been liberated and the underlying subconscious stress has just vanished.

It's not that I can really relate to dad or anything, I don't even like listening to him. But in my thoughts I thank him for sharing his experience. What I thought I knew, I didn't know, and now I know, I know what I think.

I always wanted to feel as free and as passionate as MJ whenever he got on that stage, climb to the top, but I asked myself how? I look at myself at the mirror and keep thinking to myself, 'Am I tall enough?', 'How do I get there?', 'When do I get there?', all I did was think.. when I should've been dancing!!???

Often I believe there is a problem, when there isn't.
Issues I believed that held me back, turned out to be paranoia.
Self-critical, self-degrading.. all I did was magnify a problem that wasn't even there.

I will not be fooled, I will not be tricked again.
I haven't felt my best in a long while, I feel like I'm 13 again and I can reach it now.

When challenges arise, I realize,
I don't really need to think about it.

Thinking about makes it more difficult, seem more complicated, it lets it into my head, that's why I sucked. Stress is created, then short-term memory loss appears again.

I just have to think differently; simply; emptily.
What people think, what they have to say, it doesn't matter. I love what I love, I speak what I speak, I do what I do, I feel what I want to feel, and I live how I want to live.

So face them head on with my range of ability, clear away all the rubbish accumulating in my head and finally be free of 'issues' I once thought existed.

Dad's story about DonBanShinki being scammed by their manager, being his puppet really made alot of sense, it wasn't one of his old-fashioned lectures that I would've turned a deaf ear to and let the words pass through my other ear, it was modern. It was something I understood.

I will redeem my determination.
Keep looking ahead, I will work hard, practice, polish, perfect it.

Now for some dream goals..

• Six packed abs, well built arms, 4 inches of chest, gym everyday
  
• Blog more often, wipe procrastination away
  
• Run run run, run everyday, I need to lose some jiggly and build rock hard muscles.
  
• Dance dance dance, keep on moving, dance to the beat, innovate, dance everyday, for you MJ.
  
• Keep things simple and clear, overthinking will bring me down
• Get into Taylor's, start on Geography and History o' levels and do it on Jan, aim for Public Relations. I need that damn advertising group.
  

~Sam

Negligence

"Many say I have the ultimate asian eyes.
I don't believe them,
But I don't doubt them either."

~25th of August 2009 : 10.30pm~

Dear Diary,

I've been neglecting you, diary, for quite a while now. Seeing last I posted on the 17th of July 09 after that refreshing trip, I'm such a bum. I think I joined dance class around October 08, now I'm like, really good at it. Sadly I'm not committed enough to practice it everyday, same with guitar, I'm too occupied (in my head).

Recently I've taken an interest to top of the line games, finished Crysis, Fall Out 3, Street Fighter 4, Call of Duty 4 etc. And they're gooooood.. As a kid I was always thinking of how to stay on the computer and earn money at the same time. Figures I'd just have to open up a cyber cafe and manage it.

I've landed a modeling job in November, wonder how it'll turn out. As for now I have to plan a buttload of things stuck on my head like superglue. I am thinking of my true potential as a human being, but it always leads to the same thing; I have to go out into the world and see for myself. 'Determination, Potential.'

~Sam

I'm back, baby

Back from Langkawi, burned like a peanut with desire.

~17th of July 2009 : 11.30pm~

Dear Diary,

Guess who's back on a monkey stick, monkey stick, monkey stick.
Yeah I just flew in Langkawi and I feel like a million fucking bucks. I had time to think and reflect on myself, have fun for 4 whole days and made a decision to get my life back on track.

What I hope to achieve, what I live for, what my goal is. These are important but above all, I must always have mind over body, brain over arms, heart over feet. If I let my body take control of me, I'll end up like some emo shithead with no hopes and dreams.

If I am dead serious on what I want to do and put all my mental and physical strengths to build it, there will surely be progress.

My confidence is up, I'm 800% positive, I can smile again and I really feel the need to improve.. I feel like I can finally look in the mirror and look into my own eyes again. Let's roll.

Planning to - dance study and get hit on, yeah.


P.S. Still thinking of MJ.

~Sam

Michael Jackson's memorial : Fit for the King

Michael Josophine Jackson,
Always in my heart.
(1958 - 2009)

~8th of July 2009 : 9.20pm~

Dear Diary,

Today morning I heard on the radio while driving to work, 'Michael Jackson's memorial on Star World channel 711 on Astro, be there at 6.30pm'.

I was like holy fuck, guest appearances by my other idol Stevie Wonder and one of my fav singers John Mayer. I knew I couldn't make it back in time so I had to leave early from work or something. But I had to settle a problem and I left work at 6, drove 70 miles per hour as fast as I could and arrived back home at 7pm. I almost crashed into a motorcycle but MJ's more important.. hah. So 30minutes late was alright, as long as I got to see the ending.

I watched the Michael Jackson's memorial a few minutes late. Tears almost came out as I listened and watched the beautiful song 'Heal the World' being performed, family members wearing sparkling white gloves and friends giving their sad speeches, and then the small little girl at the end of the show had to come out and grab the mic with her little hands and whack the tears outta my head.

In the end MJ's brothers and brothers, relatives, they all carried Michael Jackson's golden coffin out of the place, it was a sight to remember.

Michael Jackson, people I think of and lovers to have in the future
But you will always have a special place in my heart. And my legs.. my arms.. I'll think of you when I dance haha.


~Sam