Talking to old people. .

"You must be happy all the time,
but not happy-go-lucky.
There's a big difference."

~5th of November 2009 : 2.40am~

Dear Diary,

Working under my dad these past 3 years I have been unhappy, frustrated, physically and mentally drained, working conditions have been stressful, aggravating, annoying, boring, depressing, afflicting, agonizing, excruciating, disheartening, obstructing, gloomy and time consuming. I actually mean every single word I say, so I've gone through alot during the working period. But most importantly, it was not a waste of time at all, it was not all in vain.

I honestly think that if I were the very same person as I was 3 years ago, I would have ended up as a college-drop out failure in life. I don't want to be a failure. I have dreams, big big dreams, and I am never going to end up like those homeless people on the streets, or those bloody sons who inherit restaurants from their fathers.

Next year I'll be taking a test and am very hopeful to get into college. It's all or nothing, sink or swim. If I don't get in, it'll mean another damn year working at the office again, which I would rather fucking strangle myself than go through again. It'll mean me earning a degree at around 25 or 26, that's the freaking age people get married around.

Few days ago I had to fetch some old dude to the bank (part of my job) and we had some small talk in my car. I asked him for some advice in life and of course he had an abundant for me.

At your age, don't think about love.
You have to focus on stabilizing your money, then when you're ready to raise a family, you're ready.
You must be happy all the time while you're living, but not happy-go-lucky. If you're happy-go-lucky then you're carefree, and you will never succeed in life.
If you're happy, stay happy, but don't forget to be responsible.

Lesson learned? When I was about 14 or 16ish, I was happy-go-lucky while at school. Unmotivated, goalless and ignorant, I went about my own way thinking 'I'd rather work now than study to earn more money.' That was probably the biggest mistake I've made (so far) in my life. Now I have the heart to really study. I'm going to ace that damn test and get into college, maybe one day I'll follow 'his' road. All this pain and hardship will finally start the way I want it.


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