Running away from home. Part 1

" I ran away from home.. no, from Him.

02.02.10,
I lost alot of things
to gain my Freedom,
But it was WORTH IT."

________________________________________

Dear Diary, it's Friday the 5th of February 2010, 3pm in the afternoon.


From my previous post, it all started when I said 'I'm heading out for a photoshoot, I'll be back around 11pm'.

I verbally fought with my dad in his office on (2.2.10) Tuesday evening, I had been holding back for so many years but there was no more reason to anymore. On the same day, I moved out of my house.

Why I blogged so late about this?

Well.. where I'm live now, there is no internet, no aircond, only fans and a window.

It happened when I was about to leave work at 6pm to deal with some of his business, had an appointment to attend to. By that time I was already in my car getting out of the carpark. Then suddenly I got a phonecall from our accountant to come back upstairs.

I re-parked my car and went back up, I was sat down next to her and in front of my dad, despite being sick of being near him. He accused me of claiming petrol expenses with the company and I defended myself. If he was so against it why did it take him 2 fucking years to finally discuss about it.

It was definitely regarding my photoshoots. Later onwards he went to berate about my participation in Ford Models Supermodel of the World Malaysia 2009, (he had been lecturing the same thing over and over to 2 accountants present in the room for over 2 hours) and I lost it when he started badmouthing my close friend.

I was so fucking shocked at what he said, I wanted to jump at him and beat the fucking shit out of him but I held myself back. My hand was twitching, my foot was tapping furiously. He just humiliated my friend in front of the office, what a FUCKING, FUCKTARD.

He was just doing whatever he wanted, I decided to respond by shouting at him to cut the crap and make his point, and also asked him why he would want to talk about my friend that way. He actually laughed about it and I just totally lost it. I couldn't forgive what he said, in front of the accountants, in front of me. I got up.

I stomped towards the exit, opened it and slammed the fucking door shut as hard as I could behind me. Before I left, I heard him shout 'Let's see if you can earn money with your useless ass', walking out. I took one last glance behind my shoulder.

He was smiling.

I left, and started driving. Fuck off you monster.
It was the last time I would ever step into that office.

_______________________________________

Leaving Home

02.02.10 at night, driving home with feet flat on the gas at 140km/ph, there was nothing else on my mind except the fact that I did not want to see him again. I didn't plan how long, but I just didn't want to see his ass.

I was in pain. All that emotional stress throughout the years, trauma, humiliation, everything bottled inside of my heart exploded.

My mind was racing, I decided there was only one thing to do.

Reaching home, I started packing my clothes and told my brother not to tell my mom. I just made the biggest decision in my life to run away. I didn't know where to go.

Suddenly, my mom walked in. She told me my brother didn't tell her anything, she just knew how I'd react when she heard what dad was telling her in the morning.

I love mom. She wanted me to know that she totally supported me and she already arranged a place for me to stay. With 3 luggages full of clothes and things of valuable possessions, I finally moved out of my home.

Again, I love mom, from the depths of my heart. Because of her nagging I participated in Ford Models Supermodel of the World Malaysia 2009, new doors opened for me, I made so many new friends.

If not for her, I think I would have ended up working in that office for 40 years straight, turning into an old man, full of regrets..

In contrast, I hate dad, from the depths of my heart, for keeping me locked up for so long, for treating me like some fucking illegal immigrant who just moved into the country. I know though, he loves me, people tell me and I just know.. I thank him for raising me as well-disciplined and a good person, at the same time I fucking hate him for raising me badly and showing no love.

But there was no excuse for his behaviour. It's in-human.

The only reason why I'm not bringing a case against him is because I don't want to cause my parents to divorce, I don't want to make my mom and my brothers miserable.

On the 2nd of February 2010, I gained independence.


To be continued.. (as soon as I get internet wifi connection again.)


Family, and friends, please don't worry about me.


~Sam